I got divorced I’m December and I am so happy for that. When I met my ex I thought he was the sweetest most gentle person. That changed quickly. He developed a gambling problem. He would be out for 12 hours at a time on a Saturday and Sunday. He he denied it was a problem and we would have circle arguments about it because he thought he had figured out a game there and how to beat it. I can’t even recall how the arguments went because I would feel crazy after that. I left him twice for gambling/ lying related events and the last time I went back to him he promised me he would never let me down. We got married in less than a year and got pregnant on the honeymoon. There were different conflicts that came up and When something hurt me, I always brought it up calmly. It was the same cycle of him getting defensive, not doing anything to resolve the issue, only seeing things as his way, and getting mad at me for “getting upset”. He would say things like, “see, this is your anxiety”. Or “you think everyone is against you”. Also would always say something like, “well, It’s no different than you doing xyz”. He would say “all you do is complain” or say “gosh can’t you take a joke? I know it was gaslighting and it was so awful. I asked him to therapy and brought up everything that hurt me. Nothing changed. Our relationship was horrible cause I did not feel supported by him at all. I was scared to bring things up. He would blame me for ruining a good day if I brought something up that hurt or bothered me. The last straw was when I found out he had been investing our money bit by bit secretly into bitcoin and it added up to like $10,000. When I confronted him he said he was trying to surprise me so I could quit my job and stay home. He also told me I’d be making the biggest mistake of my life making him pull out the money. When I told him I wanted a divorce He said that I was not being fair and the next logical thing to do would be to go to therapy. He didn’t understand all of the things adding up and then I just didn’t wanna do it anymore. He blamed me for the divorce completely and told people I just up and decided this without giving him a chance. One reason I doubt Him being a narcissist is that When there wasn’t conflict he was a generally mellow calm person. He made good impressions. Also, five months after our divorce he said that he met someone. He said things were going well for two weeks and he wanted her to meet our son. I said that’s way too soon and he should be waiting a few months at least and to take things slow and be cautious the second time around especially with a child. He got so mad. He told me he knew her better than me. He told me he had such a deeper connection and she was so easy to talk to you compared to me. He said that we would just be around each other not talking at all. He said he had no doubt he will marry her. It just makes me feel really bad. Like he will change for her and I was the problem.
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