Alright, I need to get this out of my chest. I basically am getting a bit desperate as a 27 year old male from an Eastern European Country. Never had a real job. So here's a brief explanation on what lead to all this...
After I graduated high school (2016) went to university (public administration which was just to have access to cheap place to live through dormitory which is given to the students from the university and its cheaper way to live while I attend an IT C# course offline) and got into C# programming lectures for 1 semester (3months). Unfortunately, I've struggled with time going to university lectures (even though It wasn't my main focus at all) and programming lectures. So when the time for the first test came I failed C# test and I had to continue my learning online. I saw that as a complete failure (because the whole purpose of me going was that I can attend in person and it is an offline course) and basically had no reason to live in an expensive city. Also, I didn't really like programming but because it a job that pays well and because I have experience with computers since I was a child my parents, brother and I all thought this to be a good career path. (I knew coding isn't for me I just can't grasp it unfortunately...). I also left university.
I go back home town to my parents with tail tucked between my legs. I did have a plan B and I know you would think its stupid but hear me out (was 19 at the time) and keep in mind I live in an relatively cheap Balkan European country.
Before I finished high school I was playing semi-professionally a gaming esport title. Now, I thought I can try and pursue a gaming career (with more time on my hands) - its not as bad as it seems. I only thought that was a valid choice because I did show decent results at the time (at the peak of my form I was around top 150-200 in the world with 200k+ active player base) I could try make a living out of this... was streaming on twitch (2015) started making youtube videos (2017)... but I lacked consistency and discipline in uploading (my main focus at the time was still improving at the game) and my content wasn't anything special. I got invited by a local gaming team which promised on words that there will be a salary at some point and even signed a contract with them (they will pay my expenses going to tournaments and we would split the prize pool). At the end of the day there wasn't any salary, which would've allowed me a steady income for more emotional stability ( this will become a factor later on)
So, in 2020 I decide to quit competitive gaming for good. There were many reasons. I wasn't satisfied with the game's state (the game was in a decline and the company that created it had terrible managing and huge reputational wounds) and my own performance which at that point was in plateau and I saw no potential in wasting more time trying to chase something I no longer enjoyed.
My twitch channel wasn't growing at all...
I wish I had put more effort into Youtube because at that time 2017-2020 they actually did improve the algorithym and discoverability. That way I could've gathered a small audience but enough to maybe start gathering some momentum on Twitch. That was a valid strategy which I remember vividly another streamer did. He managed to grow his audience from 30-40 concurrent viewers to 300-400 on twitch in the span of 6-12 months thanks to his youtube videos getting a lot of viewers and transferring them to his twitch channel. (eventually going to 1k+ on a good day)
In retrospect maybe it was for the better that I quit because I didn't like playing the game anymore, I've already had spent 7 years into it. I got a lot out of it went to many local events in my country, I was also able to go to two international events in Spain and Ukraine. I met some cool people in my country and otherwise I would've never known.
During my gaming years I also did coaching sessions where other players will book a 1 hour lesson and pay to teach them how to improve their gameplay. Since it is an esport it did have regular people booking hours which wasn't anything huge but helped a bit...(If I ever got big on twitch or youtube I could've made more revenue from coaching as well, that was one of my ideas back then) That is what kept me to stay for longer and not quit earlier... I was able to get small sums of money from minor online and local tournaments(managed to get the huge amount of about $100 from twitch ONCE! lmao) and was coaching whenever I had booked in hours from mostly Americans :D I love them for that! I also never had complains and I honestly believe people were satisfied because some of them kept booking multiple sessions! Also, I was living with my parents so I didn't have to pay bills which actually allowed me to continue for longer. I am telling all of this because one of my gaming "students" payed a coaching session with ethereum. (back when ETH was trading for ~$100) That is one of the main drivers that got me into my next life chapter.
Anyways, fast forward all this mid 2020 I had no plans of what I am going to do and the world was shut down due to the sickness we all know quite well.
Fun Fact: back when I was in the gaming team the owner was building a gaming house and I went there once and saw that he had a GPU mining rig with about 8 GPU's there. That was in late 2019 or early 2020 I don't quite recall exactly. Also I had previous experience with mining bitcoin in 2015 for a maybe a day or a few hours I don't know anymore (I don't think I even had bitcoin wallet so I just mined for whoever the software was attached to)...
Another fun fact: in 2019 when I was coming back from a tournament there was a guy in the train who told me stories about his brother bitcoin mining farm and the police getting him arrested for illegal things (maybe stealing electricity who knows) and yeah was a interesting story but I don't quite remember most of it and might have been made up it doesn't really matter...
To conclude, all this made my transition in the crypto world was relatively smooth as I did have an experience with crypto so I wasn't totally in the black but still a big newbie overall, still had a small acount of ETH from my coaching sessions!
So, in 2020 I saw my ethereum had risen in dollar terms quite decently and I got intrigued. Started researching and saw that it could be GPU mined and I put my gaming rig to work! I had a gaming rig with GTX 1070 Ti second hand and I must have had it for 2 years at that point. Boys it payed for itself MULTIPLE times :D... With all my savings I build a mining rig and in total I have 4 gpus that are mining. Meanwhile, I read, watch, learn all about crypto.
I got really lucky with my entry timing... But I did something smart, in stead of buying coins with my savings I had no idea of I decided to invest into GPU's which I know will retain some of their value even after 1-2 years(if all this crypto thing is a scam and a ponzi scheme and the value of all the ethereum I mine goes to zero) That is back in late 2020 and GPU's prices were still normal. Now we know that there was no wrong choice in either "investment" back in 2020/2021 - The Massive Bull Run that took place everywhere.
in 2022 the bear market enters and as I am a complete noob I didn't know when to cash out so I got out very late about between 30k - 40k BTC value .( before the major bankruptcies) I didn't sell that top, no where near that. At the time I was watching too many crypto influencers so I wasn't aware... Fortunately, I didn't get burnt by any of the major bankruptcies or Terra Lunas, etc... In the end I managed to sell my mining rig for a profit while still mining with it for about year and a half... I also sold my PC... Basically liquidating all my assets thinking that after ethereum mining will shut down GPU prices will normalize... Well, not completely wrong, but not completely right either.
Then, in mid 2022 my next transition I decide to take trading seriously (not only crypto but trading as a whole) and I buy a course (BUILDING A BASIC TRADING STRATEGY)... I got obsessed all my time was spent into learning the markets (gone through 10 courses Volume Profile, Footprint, Price Ladder, etc) ... Late 2022 discovered futures prop firms and begun my trading journey (on the cheaper side - funding and blowing a real futures account would've been way too expensive for me at that point).
As you would have guessed it, its current day and unfortunately things didn't go well - I am broke. But it's not because trading is bad or prop firms are a scam... No, the main issue I came to realize were my emotions. I am too emotionally unstable (because I have no steady income) and the fact that I NEED to make money from trading is causing me to not follow my rules, my plan, to rush my setups, afraid of losing, revenge trading and I keep losing because I do exactly the opposite of what I should. I managed to discover my edge in 6 months but I just can't obey my rules and can't keep my winners running. Significant amount of the losses I take I shouldn't even be in those trades, those are the so called gamble trades because I have no structure there but I still end up in those somehow.
However, thanks to trading I learnt skills I didn't have before and I believe they would've helped me with my gaming if I knew back then: basic excel spreadsheet and journaling my trading - thanks to that I found market edge. Learnt to discover trends and patterns. Moreover, I had to face deep childhood traumas that were buried in my psyche. Had to experience again my emotional blockages on a deeper level. Those emotions did affect me negatively in my gaming career and were one of the reasons why I had choked in tournaments and couldn't perform - same exact struggles happening now but with trading.
I have no regrets on my choices in either field. Trading allowed me to learn so much about myself and my own weaknesses and inner demons. I am very thankful for that and I realize there is a price for that knowledge and I payed for that. I was fortunate because the market gave me the initial capital through the crypto bull market and then mostly took it back but left me with much experience.
When I started trading I had hoped that if I sacrifice everything (I didn't have much of a social life but still sacrificed that to the markets, time, money, energy, heart and soul) I have I can learn to trade and become successful. At the beginning I was more afraid that I wouldn't be able to come up with a good strategy and a market edge. I underestimated how important psychology would be and had forgotten how fragile my emotional state can be at crucial times.
In conclusion, for any employer I am 27 year old male, with no university degree, no working background, empty CV, nothing. I see how screwed I am and I know that my choices led to that.
Still, the lessons I've learnt are valuable to me and don't regret anything.
P.S. If you read all this, thank you, you are a legend.
