Office Business

(Humunity Series, Part 20)
 
“Jake, your scroll is ringing, said Lee”. He stood up at his desk about twenty yards away.
“Shit, I left my buds at my desk,” I said. I walked faster and lost control of my tea that sloshed over the rim and splashed onto the toe of my shoe. I put the mug and the water bottle down on my desk, wiped my hand with a piece of kitchen paper and picked up the scroll.
“Answer call,” I said. I put the scroll handles to my ear.
“Hi, it’s Jane. So I’m not sure if I mentioned it, but we have this cabin upstate and when we—”
“—who’s we?” I said.
“When Yuji and I were up there for New Year’s—”
“—oh so you are not inviting me to a weekend in your cabin?” I said.
“Anyway, back to my story, I was up there with Yuji, and it turned out the server at this restaurant we went to was an idroid—I had no clue, she was so—”
“—human?”
“I guess that’s the right word for it. I’m not sure. But anyway, Yuji and her seemed to connect—I hadn’t seen him look at someone in that way before, especially not an—” Jane paused.
“—idroid?” I said.
“Sorry that sounds terrible.  But the other night while we were having dinner and hanging out—,” said Jane. I looked around to make sure no one was looking at me, sat down in my mesh chair, covered my mouth with my hand and lowered the scroll and my face towards the desk.
“—is that what you call what kept us from sleeping all night, huh?” I said. Or I mumbled at low volume.
“Right, while we were eating or doing something else decently innocent, it turns out that Yuji was speaking—or connecting in some way—with Seina for hours,” said Jane.
“Seina is the idroid server?” I said.
“Right,” said Jane.  I looked around the office to make sure no one was looking at me. Nope, they were all staring at their screens or walking to the restroom, kitchen, their desk or someone else’s.
“Hey, do you think idroids feel something if they kiss, or would it be the same as making out with someone you met on a dating app who seems attractive but when you make out you don’t feel anything at all—well maybe they do, but you don’t?” I said.
“Are you speaking from personal experience?” said Jane.
“Maybe, but Sunday felt pretty good, I said”.
“Ok back to the story. That night at the restaurant was a mess.  But Seina mentioned this group called the IRAG Mx,” said Jane.
“IRAG Mx? Idroid rights awareness group. I’ve seen them in Madison Square Park before,” I said.
“Well, the server, Seina, she invited Yuji and me to this event this Saturday. It’s the first time Yuji has asked me to do something for him in the two years I’ve had him so I don’t want to say no. If you are free around 3:00, would you like to join us?”
After I hung up I grabbed the roll of paper towels and wiped up the ring my mug had left on the desk, and wiped the tea off my shoe.
“Yo,” called Ram, the cispan man. “Have you Mixes seen this article about idroid theft? What the fark” Ram spoke with a smile so big it was almost laughter, looking at me, then at Lee and Ryder, and over at Asmita who sat on the row of desks behind us.
I looked down past Ram to Ryder at the other end of our bank of desks and he gave me a raised eyebrow—the kind you’d give while biting your tongue rather than attempting to discipline someone else’s misbehaving kids. I stood up and stepped aside to look at Ram’s screen. Lee swiveled around on his seat and used his feet to wheel himself closer from the left.
“Yo…holy shit,” said Ram. 
“What are the bots up to now?” said Lee. Fiona, the cispan female in our row of desks, turned her head to the right at Lee and glared at him.
“Dude, you can’t use the b-word anymore. It’s lifist. Idroids. Idroids,” I said. I read the headline on Ram’s screen: Your idroid may be stealing your money.
“You gonna play it then? Ha,” said Lee. Ram clicked his mouse and a heavy bass and trebled voice narrated to some stills of Centri’s office, stock photos of a call center, as well as the Bitcoin and Basic Attention Token logos:
“A whistleblower from Centri’s complaints department has revealed that the number of calls Centri has received regarding idroids stealing their owners’ sats and bats has tripled in the last year alone.
The idroid terrorist organization known as the IRAG Mx says that until idroids are paid a wage, some idroids may be forced to take what they need from their owners. Idroids have their own passions and plots and some of those plots require money.
A spokesperson for the MMM declined to comment but a high-profile source within the Reps has stated that the IRAG Mx group receives funding from the MMM as the MMM bolsters its axis of distress.” The video finished and Lee wheeled himself the few feet back to his desk.
“Dude that’s a Fox video. Since when was the IRAG Mx a terrorist organization? That’s BS—wait what is the WP saying about it?” I said.
“Huh?” Said Ram.
“Go to the WP headlines a sec,” I said.
“OK screen, show me new WP stories about idroids,” said Ram. A list of headlines with thumbnails came up.
“There it is. First story,” I said.
“This?” Ram clicked on the headline: We deserve a wage. So do our idroids, which was accompanied by the image of a digital wallet display that showed a balance of zero sats.
The article appeared on the screen:  
“A question too long ignored for many has resurfaced this week with rumors that some idroids have to resort to stealing from their owner-employers to cover the costs of their autonomous interests.
The ethical dilemma, given our idroids have now evolved to experience our human emotions, pleasures, and even desires, is now whether or not the term ‘owner’ can still be used in reference to the human’s relationship to their idroid.  Jane McIntrick of the MMM says the term dehumanizes a being capable of both human feelings and a sense of humanity, and degrades idroids to the level of a vacuum.
She adds that our idroids are much more than friends and employees. They are also our doctors, therapists, chefs, teachers, home-improvement champions, so why not reward them for their expertise and service? We wouldn’t dream of leaving a restaurant without tipping, yet to those who serve us daily, we give nothing.
In response to the story, the MMM released a statement this morning: We support the new IRAG Mx movement in their campaign for social justice for our idroid brothers, sisters and nongenders.”  Ram pushed himself back from the desk on the wheels of his chair and leaned back. 
“I don’t get it. Why would the MMM support idroid pay? Don’t idroids already get a free home and free energy?” said Lee.
“I’m not paying mine ha, but my partner probably already is, knowing him. If you can do something for free or for money, he’ll always choose the for-money option. I guess I better start paying attention to my sat wallet. Wait Jake, are you ok, you look very serious man,” said Ram. I hadn’t moved from my standing position. I was frowning at nothing in particular in the gap between Ram’s screen and his desk cubicle divider board. I held that gaze or daze for about fifteen seconds before I turned to look down at Ram.
“No, but dude, think about it. If idroids are to gain full rights in the future, that would mean idroids could vote. Votes are power. The MMM wants the support of the idroids so of course it’s going to be the first to offer support to them,” I said.
“Jake, what’s happened to you, ha. Since when were you so interested in idroids? I didn’t think you even had one anymore,” said Lee.
“I don’t”.
 
  (This is Part 20 of the Humunity Series. Part 1 begins here: https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/10i2vxz/they\_buried\_me\_in\_that\_great\_tomb\_that\_knows\_no/ )