Hi, I'm 20F and recently I was dumped by my 20M ex boyfriend. We had been together for 3 months and I thought I found my person.
He was charming, gentle, in his masculine, has a provider mindset, and humble. We met on Bumble while I was doing my exchange study aboard. He lived in the same province that I went to do my exchange study. I wasn't that much of an active person on dating apps. I did have the apps but just checked in from to time to time because I was already made peace with myself that I would never find someone in this generation to love me the way I wanted and committed to me. When we matched, I was just about to brush him off because his profile didn't give me anything to learn much about him. But before the 24 hours ended, he extended it. I was a bit flattered and decided to text him. We started texting for an evening and he asked me out immediately. He was 19 at the time but we were born on the same year. I was shocked for a bit and asked him why he consider ask me out when I was a year older. "I would regret it if I didn't ask you out." He said. That was when I knew that he was a bit different from most men I met before.
On our first date, he brought me a bouquet of roses. I was allergic to rose but I love rose so, I accepted it while sneezing like spinning. He was the first man who bought me flowers besides my dad. He made quite impressions to start off. We started chatting and ordered coffee. Him and I talked about many topics like family's dynamic, goals of life, feminism, marriage and children, and career aspects. After we chatted, I realised that he had a good potential to be the partner that I was looking for. So, I took the ball and asked him whether he wanted to come along with me on a day trip to Antwerp because I was going there solo and I didn't want to be lose or feeling unsafe there. He agreed but later rejected by saying that he had to spend his time with his mother. I was okay with it and told him to have a great time. Obviously, who would go to another country with someone who you just met?
Literally the day after our first date, he asked me out on a second date for fast food and movie date together. We fought over the bills because he paid for everything on the date and I felt uneasy because I had never been treated like that from a man before. He told me that I would be crazy if he let me pay. That was when I realised that he is a good person that I can stay with for a long time. We hugged each other as we said goodbye for the night.
We started texting more than before and learned about each other more. He was my age but he already started working and investing in crypto and bitcoin. I told him that I didn't want to play around dating people because I was tired from people playing me around like it was a mission to see whether it was easy for them to get me as their girl. I told him that I was looking for long term relationship with the intention of building life together. I also told him that I wouldn't be staying in his country for long because I was an exchange student so I don't want to waste my time dating someone who aren't willing to commit or seeing me as a fling of springs.
He asked me out on a third date for McDonald's and another movie date. I told him that I had never McDonald's before because it wasn't available in my country so, he made me experience it with him. We had a great time together again. While we were talking at McDonald's, he told me how people often over look him and girls tense to ignore him. I looked at him in his eyes and told him that I would never let his hands go easily because I knew him better than those people who overlooked him. He was speechless and flattered. We held hands for the time that day. We went on a walk for a bit but we ended walking to the bridge that connected to his workplace. He asked me what do I want in relationship. I told him that I wanted both parties to be transparent, honesty, loyalty, and open conversation with eachother. I told him that I knew that he couldn't predict what was on my mind and so could I. I told him that I wanted to communicate my needs and share both side of me to the partner I seek. That was when he realised that I was the type of person who lived up with their words.
After that date, he went to therapy session of his. He sent me a photo of what he did during the session. He told me to look at the tiny wood woman in front of tiny wood man apart from others wood people to guess who that person is. I guessed it was either his mom or his sister. He told me that wood woman is me and I was the main centre of his focus. I was speechless. One random night, he sent me a 5 minutes long voicemail confessions how he had never feel anything like that before and didn't want to take me for granted. I was screaming in joy because it was my first time ever to like someone and that someone also like me back.
On our 4th date, I took him to my community new year celebration at another part of the country. I thought he would reject it but he was all for it. He was introduced to my culture, my food and my community through that event. He had a great time there. After the party, we left back to our city on the train. We were talking about random stuff. He kissed me for the first time. It was my first kiss and also his. It was so awkward for me but I got over it quickly. We started dating officially.
We were all lovey dovey toward eachother. We called from time to time because he wanted to hear my voice. He updated me what he was doing while I was studying in university or sleeping in the morning. He even told me that I can ask him for a break up if he ever slept in again. I was just laughed about it. He took me to a mini vacation to another country close to the border. I had a great time there together with him. I learned about him a bit more closer. He stayed my dorm after my roommate left for her vacation in another country for a few days. I thought him to make my favourite coffee, wonton soup and how to wrap dumplings. I cooked and he cleaned. It was a perfect harmony between us.
On the night before he left my dorm, we got into a small childish argument because he kept correcting my words, grammar and pronunciation in public especially in front of my friends which made me felt embarrassed. We made up. Then, he told me that he was going to break up with me after I left the country. I was stunned and speechless. He told me that he would rather to be with his last love than his first love which his first love was me. He told me that loving me was like I'm renting a Lamborghini to ride but just for short term. I broke down so hard that night after he left and asked him to not do that to me. He apologised for what he had said and he didn't mean it. We were at peace again. But the dynamic didn't stay the same as we started.
He took me to another countries for vocations and showed me flowers and gifts. I felt so loved and cherish by him all over. He made sure that I knew that he loved me, he committed to me and didn't look for another woman. I could went through his and he could went through mine. We were an open book.
But just as I thought that everything is going well between us, he sat me down after our date one evening in front of my dorm. He told me that he was serious about breaking up with me because he didn't want to do long distance relationship. I reassured him that long distance was just a temporary solution because I'm going to apply to study back for master in his country. I told him that I was aware that long distance could be hard between us considering that we saw eachother every weekend and spending quality time together, but I wanted him not to give up so easily and give long distance relationship a try because I would rather for us to break up during long distance relationship than back then because I didn't want to go back home heartbroken. He said his decision was final. He said I was every men's dream girl just people in our generation didn't see it. He told me that he was sorry that he didn't commit to me and love me enough to do long distance relationship with me. He told me that he was sure whether or not he isn't getting bored and find someone else while we were doing long distance.
He proceeded to tell me that he would married me immediately if I was pregnant because he knew that his children would have better childhood than him. He said the most mess up thing ever to me. He told me if I wanted to make him stay, I should go and sleep with another guy and claim the child to be his so that he would married me. I was speechless, horrified, betrayal, heartbroken, and disappointed at him. I cried a lot that night and didn't get good sleep at all.
Despite that, he pretended that nothing happened and acted like we were prefect couple to my friends again which made them so mad at him. He took me out on vacation to another city and I was in such a mood swings. Despite his words, I still cooked him his favourite food and brought it to him. After he did that, I still went on to spend my last week in the country with him before I left. He still cherish me like before, showed me with the luxury of life, and care for me like he was still in love with me despite what he had done or said to me.
We broke up at the airport right before I left the gate to immigration. I cried the whole entire flight back home. After I landed, he sent me 14 minutes long voicemail and said that the break up didn't hit him at all and I should do the same thing. I was mad and told him that it's pain me to hear that from him and it made me feel like I used me, played me, and I was just a random girl what he tossed away like nothing. He defended himself by saying that he was also suffering when the thought of us ran through his mind but he just chose to ignore and told me to do that same. I got even more mad. He apologised by saying that he realised that he failed me, broke me and stupid enough to believe that he could fix me again. He said that the reason why he stayed in the relationship was all because of his ego and his addiction of me. He knew that what he had done traumatized me and hope that I would get better and wish me luck. I was speechless, exhausted, hurt, and mad.
I like him first. I loved him first. Now, I fell the hardest and feel the painful heartbreak. He fooled me around. He betrayed me. He manipulated me to believe that he was actually the one. I can't trust men anymore after what he had put me through. I'm traumatized.
Also I have to apologise for any wrong wording or grammar errors, I typed this while I was crying. It's been 2 weeks since we broke up and I didn't take it well yet.
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