I literally don't know where to start with this. It's been going on for a month now, and the guy has sent over fifty emails. I'm in lockdown with nothing to do so this is it. I've also set up a functional webpage to guide him to, but the logs indicate he is using a proxy in the USA. Still it lets me flesh out the characters a bit. TPDNE is great for website photos.
It all began with a lovely email in my normal Gmail account to say my uncle had left me some cash and could I get in touch. So I arranged for Sir Dr John Mansfield to do just that. Suddenly the deceased's surname became Mansfield too!
As John put it:
It's a little difficult to explain what my occupation is these days! As you probably know, I'm a very well-known retired businessman and these days having millions or billions in the bank is just boring. So getting involved in little projects like this is really what I like to do. And sometimes even travel a little. I had a gentleman in Mali who arranged a similar, very lucrative project. I actually flew there! And he had disappeared. I don't know, I think he wasn't well. But you know, I loved Bamako. I actually invested in a real estate project there. I sent them some tiny amount - maybe $10 million or so, less than my country cottage is worth, and they sold me a skyscraper! They have promised me I can come see it next time I'm in Mali.
I've actually had someone contact me with the same problem you have now; apaprently some long lost uncle of mine died in the Phillipines and I just paid some tiny amount of stamp duty (will I need to cover this with you too?) and eventually they will be sending me the estates of poor uncle Jimmy. Anyway thank you, it's nice to chat. I'm losing my memory quite badly and sometimes get lonely out here on the Moors in my luxurious castle of solitude so it is great to hear from friendly and helpful people like you.
Do you know my nephew Finken? He used to live in Togo, or Toga, or maybe it was Texas? Not sure. If you'd like to arrange your flights please go ahead. I'm halfway between Assleby and Laytham; just ask anyone around and they will direct you. Just turn right off the main road, and head down the driveway. I'm about seventeen miles down the main drive. There is a row of ancient elm; turn right here, and drive about five miles along until you see the towers. Just shout "ahoy there Sir Mansfield" and I'll come out with a dram of Laphroiag to great you.
This reminds me of when someone in Mali wrote to me, and we arranged a whole thing. For about $20m I bought a whole office building! Quite extraordinary. My nephew Finken used to live in Mali, or Togo I think. Anyway my memory isn't so great.
An hour later David hadn't replied! This won't do
Sir John:
I need to move on this immediately send the details let's get on with it I'm heading to Bangladesh for a sensitive matter will be unable to email/write/eat for four days please hurry up and stop wasting my time. I need $45,000 by Thursday morning. My boy can send through the necessary.
[That got him going:]
Dear Mr John, I have already send the information to the bank but yesterday the bank said they need your copy passport too for identification before they can proceed in the processing.
SJ: No problem at all. Does that need to be notarized?
[several emails later..]
SJ: I've attached the passport as requested
[note: nothing attached...several more emails back and forth]
SJ: I have attached a copy, I hope it is OK, I have very poor eyesight. I’ve had the boy block out my face in case it accidentally falls into someone else’s hands. Let me know if that’s a problem. [passport is a stock photo of a passport almost completely blacked out]
SJ: I’ve just received an email from my secretary. They are trying to get power of attorney which means I will have no power over my own finances. They tell me they will “take care of my bitcoin” and “everything will be ok”. I have nowhere to turn. Please remind me how much this inheritance is. Can it please be paid to a different bank account. I can’t have them knowing about this. Please please hurry. This has to be completed within about 48 hours.
Yours in concern
Johnny
[despite no passport or anything useful sent David writes back:]
Dear Mr Johnny,
I have submitted the passport to the bank so I am expecting that the bank will contact you.
The total amount to be transferred to your account is USD30 Million
As soon as the bank contacts you do let me know.
[30 million!]
Dear David:
Thank you so so much my man.
Praise Jesus, I have never experienced such honest business before. May you be bless with the Lord’s grace my friend. And all the Blessings of heaven.
I do hope the bank would be kind enough to contact me very soon, as that bitch Miss Hedda and her gang of goddamned usurpers are going to steal what’s mine like the bloody scum they are.
May God grant you all you need and if we don’t speak again,
Bless you in the name of Jesus.
Love,
Johnny
[finally he asks me for some cash:]
Dear John, I am still waiting your call , besides the bank said that since your passport has no picture that they will legalize it so they demands that i go and legalize it and bring to them. Send me immediately by western union the sum of $350 to legalize it here. send it in my name name: Tamale David city: Lome country: Togo Send the information urgently let me get the money and do the legalization so that the bank will start the processing of the transfer to your bank account Regards,
[another email to David, subject line is a Smiths song title:]
THIS IS A CODE
DO NOT TELL MISS HEDDA
David:
OK I WILL NOT TELL MISS HEDDA
DO SEND THE MONEY LET ME COMPLETE THE LEGALIZATION OF THE PASSPORT AND SUBMIT TO THE BANK ON MONDAY SO THAT THEY CAN PROCEED IN PROCESSING THE TRANSFER TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT
[I reply]
On Sat, Aug 29, 2020 at 12:40 PM <[SirJohnMansfield@](mailto:SirJohnMansfield@protonmail.com)> wrote:
THIS EMAIL IS IN SECRET CODE. My office is screening my emails as they have now established power of attorney over all my affairs - but only if they know about them!
There are certain words we cannot use. The one starting with "m" and the place you are going on Monday especially. I'm going to need to you send me the email again but please replace the words with the ones below so I can delete the previous email. Lower case is also better for the office's so-called "spam filter".
I have sent 350 "BAZOOMBAS" as requested.iF "DAXID" can Speak to the "BONK" on Monday may they transfer to my BONK account. YOU need to sort out the BONKING as soon as possible. We can't wait until Tuesday to do BONKING. you MUST BONK on Monday. I can BONK on Monday but I never BONK on a Tuesday.
Please confirm you will 'BONK' on Monday.
thanks,
Johnny M
[I've had him completely retype a few emails to put them in lower case]
anyway that's enough for John. Enter Hedda..I'll add a comment
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