About a month ago, as I (M22) was sitting in my backyard, this girl (F21) I’ve known for quite a while yelled my name from the street and I came out to the driveway to talk to her.
She said that she was at home now (10 minute walk) after finishing her undergrad degree, and suggested I reach out to her so we can go on walks.
I was still writing exams, so I told her I’d message her when I wrap those up.
At this point in time, we had been friends for a long time (over 10 years), we worked together for a couple years, and have spent a non-insignificant amount of time hanging out (with mutual friends) over the years.
Note: Over a year ago, I did sleep with her friend once. They’re not too close, and it’s clear to both of us, she’s crazy. I’ve joked about how she should have told me, and we both agreed never to talk about it again.
While away at different universities, she would text me occasionally (maybe every 3 months) about trivial things, e.g. one time she asked me to explain Bitcoin to her—I am not a Bitcoin phanatic. But other than conversations here and there, we never really had a significant one-on-one relationship.
We began going on walks together, and then started going on hikes together. After one hike, she asked me to come in and take a look at her recently redone kitchen—and I did.
Now at this point, I only viewed her as a friend, and never even considered she would be interested in me “that” way—so cut me some slack for this next one.
After another walk, she casually suggested we go and get ice cream and I told her that I don’t eat sugar. She said we should get some fokd to eat and again, I didn’t think much of it and blew her off.
It was that night after that walk that I thought “maybe she is interested.” I thought, “Oh shit, maybe that was mean.” So I texted her suggesting we get food before our next hike, and she responded “omg yes!!”
On another hike, she said we should have a picnic. (To me, this was a clear sign)
That week, we didn’t do the picnic, but we did hang out with some mutual friends at my house, went swimming, and flirted a bit, e.g., she said she wanted to see my room (as I mentioned I recently moved my room to the basement after my brother moved out) so when I asked her if she wanted to see my room, she initiated a flirty/joking “ohh, want to see my rooom” banter. When I took her down there, I said “Google turn on the lights” and she made another joke, imitating me telling Google to put on romantic lights, so I said “Hey Google, play Let’s Get it On by Marvin Gaye.” So, obviously that was a good event. While at my house, she made a noticeably effort to talk to my sister and mom (who she says “is nice” and says “really likes her” and joked that she probably thinks we’re dating” because of the frequent hikes.)
One day she called and asked if she could come swimming, just the two of us. I was getting everything ready (cleaning the pool, putting lavender oil on some clean towels, getting mason jars of water” and she called to confirm she was coming. Minutes later, she texts me and cancels, says she accidentally double booked her day.
Since that day (it’s been 5 days), she’s been “busy” (she did work a couple days), but has been perpetrating distance. She stopped responding to my Snapchats (ending our streak), told me twice on the phone she couldn’t hike (once because it was raining), and most recently told me she was busy abd she’d text me, but never did.
So if figure one of two things is going on:
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She’s perpetrating this distance after making things “obvious” to me, to see if I keep giving her attention, and show that I do care about her—and not just because she was the first girl who made these “moves”/signs on me.
-
She’s realized that I am into her, and she’s perpetrating this distance to make sure I don’t get the wrong idea.
I think it’s a gamble to assume it’s #1 because if I kept reaching out and asking to go on hikes (or that picnic we still haven’t done) it would exacerbate the “problem” of #2.
Thanks in advance for your opinions.
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