WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2021 / Finely crafted by Lily Herman
Look at us, hump day friends! We’ve crawled all the way to Wednesday! As always, nothing’s slowing down: Today we’re talking about movie theaters' Tom Cruise problem, fake nut cheese and Kylie Jenner’s big baby news. Or should I say (*Moira Rose voice*) bebe?
News To Know
- Mexico’s Supreme Court unanimously ruled in a case that it was unconstitutional to criminalize abortion. For now though, the decision only affects the northern state of Coahuila, which borders Texas.
- Joe Biden sounded the alarm on climate change, referring to it as “everybody’s crisis” after he surveyed damage from Hurricane Ida. Sir, when are we gonna, like, *do something* about this?
- OK, much has been said about school mask mandates, but how many folks actually support the measure? A recent survey showed that two-thirds of Americans are all for ‘em.
Finance For You
- China banned for-profit tutoring in school subjects in an effort to take pressure off of students and parents, but now private tutors can also no longer give classes online or in unregistered venues. Unsurprisingly, families are finding *wildly* creative ways to circumvent the new rules.
- How did El Salvador’s big "bitcoin as legal tender" rollout go yesterday? Ummmmm … Very Not Well.
- Movie theaters are strugglin’ in the panini, and they’re going to see another wave of issues all thanks to Tom Cruise. (OK, not *directly* Tom Cruise, but you’ll see what I mean.)
Sports. Sports. Sports.
- We haven’t talked too much about the U.S. Open, so here’s a very Yodel rundown: American Shelby Rogers expected death threats after losing to British media darling Emma Raducanu, 19-year-old Leylah Fernandez matched an old Serena Williams record and Alexander Zverev made a really, reaaaaaally distasteful joke. WHEW.
- Former NFL players Clinton Portis, Tamarick Vanover and Robert McCune are the latest trio to plead guilty to defrauding the league’s healthcare program. It’s not looking great.
- It’s been a month since the Olympics took a turn for gymnastics legend Simone Biles. Does she regret withdrawing from several events? The answer is a resounding nope.
Culture Corner
- What's up with dairy-free cashew cheese, and does it resemble real cheese whatsoever? In The Know’s Dillon Thompson did the Lord’s work by testing it out for us. Mystery solved!
- Can you *believe*?! Jonathan Van Ness dropped a new haircare line at Sephora, and I will fight every single one of you to get it first.
- Open up your cal and mark down September 10, because Yahoo is working with a few designers to bring New York Fashion Week to life virtually. There will be holograms! How fun! Here’s a sneak peek with Christian Cowan!
Tech Talk
- We only *just* got the hang of the iPhone 12, but it’s time to move on, because Apple’s holding its iPhone 13 event on September 14. The fact that it's not being hosted on the 13th is making my eye twitch.
- Texas Right to Life, which created that abortion whistleblower website that got inundated with lewd ‘Shrek’ content, is having a bad week. Its site data was unprotected, and hackers exposed details for over 300 job applicants who applied to work for the org. Can I get an ooof?
- It’s out with the old and in with the new: Microsoft said goodbye to its former news feed and replaced it with Start, which is some fancy, personalized version. Cool stuff.
Entertainment Spotlight
- Kylie Jenner really knows how to make a pregnancy announcement. She confirmed rumors that she’s expecting baby number two with boyf Travis Scott. I obviously want to hear everybody’s baby name guesses.
- As Kris Jenner intended, Kylie really stole the spotlight from all other entertainment news, including this tidbit: Britney Spears’ dad Jamie just petitioned the court to end his daughter’s conservatorship. Wooo!
- What’s happened in R. Kelly’s sex trafficking and racketeering trial so far? This is a detailed rundown, but fair warning that it’s gruesome. The ordeal is even getting comparisons to that NXIVM sex cult case that concluded a few months back.
Fantastic Finish
To answer a question that I know has been on your mind for *years*: This TikTok filter can show you what you’d look like as a vampire in the ‘Twilight’ movies. At long last, we! have! closure!
Thanks for reading today's issue of The Yodel.
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