Different Bitcoin investing strategies

Let’s keep those god-awful TA charts and drawings and patterns aside. Let’s list some easy to remember and follow approaches to BTC

1. Frugalypse Now - 2 jobs, bread & butter, rented house, 1 mattress. 24x7 fiat mining. You take all the pains now, for good gains in the future as you buy bitcoin nonstop. It’s not too late!
2. Miner Bro - You like to go against the current. Current wisdom says it’s more profitable to buy bitcoin than mine it, but you put it all in 1 or more ASIC miner and you do whatever it takes to run that shit coz tomorrow BTC is going so high, that these machines will be pure gold, and you’ll have one already running.
3. Smoked Out - You quit smoking and just put the amount you spent weekly on smokes into buying sats.
4. True HODL - Never selling, so never registering a loss, always stacking sats whenever in the mood or when possible.
5. Time Bomb HODL - Setting a timer for a long-term future definite sell date, preferably over 3 years as no one who has held for 3 years has ever had a loss.
6. The New Year Party Fund - Allocate what you just spent (last year) between Dec 25 and Dec 31 for Christmas and New Year’s to buy all the BTC you can on Jan 1 this year. Sell it on Dec 25 this year. Repeat year after year to party beyond your means.
7. BTC Savings Account - Convert your bank savings account to BTC, treat BTC as your new savings account, adding money to it when you can.
8. Inflation Buster - This one is especially for the money-bags and the filthy rich, who see their notes getting stale in a deposit vault or earning peanuts in the stock or bond market. Put most of it on BTC and beat the printer that goes BRRRRRRR.
9. Meme Magic - You’re in it for the ride, you don’t really care about the profits, so you have the most fun and zero stress. When the memes are at their highest and you see a kickass meme, you drop in some munneh just to comment “haha I just bought some”.
10. Negative Gravity - As in 2019, when you need to pay the bank to store your money, whatchu gonna do? Call inflation buster BTC!
11. USD Hater - You just want to see the USD PetroDollar burn so that no more wars can be fought, so you buy and promote BTC as much as you can.
12. Drive-By Buyer - Buy with all the cash in your wallet whenever you walk by a BTC ATM.
13. All In - Sell everything you can and collect all the fiat you can to go all-in in one stroke.
14. The Hourly DCA - Spend like 69 cents or dollar 1 with auto-buy every hour or day or week.
15. Sharp Dip Sniper - This requires patience and vigilance. Keep your USDT (or USDC or any other stablecoin) ready on the exchange to snap up the discounted BTC whenever it goes into a sharp decline before it pulls back to the regular curve.
16. BTFD - Keep fiat or USDT ready, but don’t buy. Whenever the market tanks and people are saying Bitcoin is dead and FUD is at the highest, then you buy the f dip!
17. Fear & Greed Index - Buy when Fear, Sell when Greed
18. Adopted Influencer - Just follow 1 influencer you trust (if you can find one!) and do whatever they say, even if it sounds illogical.
19. Interest Hunter - Borrow fiat on low interest and earn higher interest yield/stake by converting it to BTC.
20. Payday Percentage - Allocate a fixed percentage of your pay to buy BTC on every payday, whether it is weekly or monthly.
21. Shitcoin Genius - If you are one of the few who know that hidden place where the most successful memecoin and shitcoin moons are launched, you put dollar 100 on those and convert the 1000s to BTC at the top.
22. Choose The Orange Pill - You’ve read enough, you convert all your other coins to BTC.
23. 2x Orange Pill - You’ve read enough, you convert all other coins and stocks and lands and gold to BTC.
24. Black Swan Songer - Keep waiting for the biggest black swan event evar, like when BTC goes from 65k to 28k in a blink and then buy buy buy!
25. All In Leverage - Gather a percentage of your bitcoin or fiat that you can YOLO, then wait for the worst FUD ever and the worst market crash ever, and then go 125x leverage on Bitcoin rising in the future.
26. Banhammerite - Buy big when China or another country bans it, or a few weeks after the ban.
27. Legaltenderite - Buy when another country like El Salvador makes it legal tender or passes favorable regulation for it.
28. Shitcoin Lottery - Becoming a wholecoiner is not possible for you, being that the BTC price is out of your reach, so you spend dollar 100 every month on a new pump and dump you discover on 4chan biz which allows you to buy early when the price has too many zeroes after the decimal. Keep playing until one goes 1000x or so, then you can buy a whole BTC!
29. NFT DayDreamer - Buy some shitty NFT and make its sell price the current value of 1 BTC in ETH OR BNB. Hope that someone buys the shit jpeg and then you get a wholecoin!
30. Time Travel - Go back to 2010 and buy 15k Bitcoins for dollar10-100 on Liberty Reserve.
31. Elon Apeing - Buy whatever Elon jokes about. Convert it to BTC at the top.
32. Saylor Mirroring - Buy whenever Saylor & Microstrategy buy, they usually buy when the price is good.
33. Winklevoss Conundrum - These two chads are richer than their nemesis Zuck now thanks to Bitcoin, yet they shill a lot of shitcoins, buy/sell when they’re shilling another coin, DYOR!
34. Keiser Inverse - Sell whenever the OG Bitcoin Whale Max Keiser is going batshit crazy with antics, it is usually during the dips. Buy when he is quiet and serene on Twitter and his Podcasts.

Which one’s your favorite? Do you have any other simple strategies to add to this list? Not financial advice, DYOR, yada yada! My 2022 new year's resolution is 4k and also to post quality OC that gets upvotes!