For you

9/25/2024 3:33pm

I want you to know that I am responsible for absolutely everything that happened. By everything ,I mean anything that I have written online after our separation. I take full accountability and feel disgusted that it probably made you feel angry, confused and depressed, You did not deserve that at all. From the bottom of my heart, I am so ashamed of how I made you feel. I hope that this letter frees you of any ill feelings that you may have.

Please know that I’m posting this publicly, so that you can heal, So that your friends and followers can view this. The truth is that your happiness is all that I want for you. With or without me! I truly hope that you are healthy and excelling at your endeavors.

Yes, I have posted my confused and erratic theories a few times, I want you to know that I feel absolutely horrible for posting anything that made you feel bad. Making you feel horrible is unreliability not acceptable.

Your feelings and well being come first. I deleted them. I’ll go public on any forum and apologize for my posts/videos.

Not communicating with you has been frustrating and I do not want you to be frustrated. It was very foolish of me. I’m the worst at this No contact thing.

My behavior was unacceptable!! WTF was I thinking ? I wasn’t thinking of you. That is not who I really am, your healing process is the priority.

I will do anything to help you heal!! You come first. I want to be able to give you the verbal delivery of my empathy that I have for you. 

I want to hear your what you have to say to me. I will listen to everything you say. You were and still are my everything. I am here to support you and give you your exoneration. My love, You deserve closure!! I want to give you everything and more that will make you feel lighter. 

I am ashamed for so many things and trying to mask the shame has added more shame. I will make it through this and be stronger than ever. I forgave myself in January 2024!! I was doing awesome. In complete control and I felt indestructible.

The day you filed for divorce it let the wind out of my sails. I do not want a divorce! If you are interested, I would like for us to get couples counseling. I will care for you and be the man who you signed up for. I love our family. I would do anything to get our family back together. Whatever you decide for your future is obviously up to you. I’ll continue being patient with your NC.

I broke up with the girl who I dated for 5 weeks. I told her that I was still in love with you! She’s gone. I told her the truth that I am in love with my ex. I posted a screenshot on my profile. All I do is think of you when I was with someone else. There is no replacement or substitute that even comes close to you.

I only dated because you filed for divorce. Every love letter I wrote to you is from my heart!! The poetry that I create for you, comes from the inner most sanctuary in my soul. There is nobody as magical as you out there. I would stick with you forever and never even think about someone else.I care about you and our kids.

The best day of my life was when Moon Monkey was born!! And to have her not want to see me is painful, and the things I tell myself about who I was as a person is a feeling of complete failure. I have had so much therapy, so there are many defects that are far more improved, if not completely solved. I will continue to work through my issues and be honest with my therapist.

Stalked and controlled installed chaos and Confusion. This part is the why of my behavior. Excuse? Why is my stalker hunting me for her/his entertainment??? I don’t care if you, my person is monitoring me, because I have nothing to hide. The self medicating is done. It was shameful and I’m f’ing sick of making poor choices for coping. I’m getting help for this and sticking to the healthy coping plan.

Hope this part comes across as a fact, and hopefully not an excuse for my behavior:

My phone has been hacked for 17 months now. I believe it’s more than one person doing this to me. They have catfished and drained my bank account and my PayPal is overdrawn by $2000. They stole my iCloud and Apple Card. I have lost upwards of 10,000 total!! This person transferred money from my bank to my PayPal, then I think they transferred it to bitcoin. That money should have been for you and the kids!!!

Who is doing this??? A, B, and someone else?? I thought it was all you, that is why I started blaming things on you. This hacking has drained me.

I sincerely apologize for thinking any of this manipulative control was you. If anyone here has ever been hacked, then you know. All of the devices in my house are filled with root scripts and hidden apps. All of my passwords and accounts are compromised.

In the end, this is all happening because of me. You going NC is all on me. The person pretending to be you (A?) has absolutely manipulated and fractured my brain. I would never want you to experience something like this!! I’d do anything to protect you, support and care for you.

Every single chaotic event that has occurred since you have been gone is 100% my fault. I realize this. After a hurricane comes a rainbow.

May better days be there for you. May the sun shine on your smile. May the rain quench your endorphins. Hug and kiss the kids for me. I hope that you accomplishing goals and thriving. I appreciate everything that you have done for me in the past. You made anything possible that seemed impossible before I met you.