Sunday, June 5, 2022

It's still 2014 in crypto payments, and buying a burrito is now a taxable event

Chipotle takes crypto now! https://www.coindesk.com/business/2022/06/02/chipotle-now-accepting-cryptocurrency-payments-at-us-locations/

Well, no, of course it doesn’t. Chipotle is using a platform called Flexa. You put your cryptos into Spedn (a registered typo-mark, in the proper dot-com manner), your Flexa wallet, then you use the Spedn app to generate a “flexcode” barcode, which Chipotle then scans in some manner, and they hand you a burrito! Flexa sells the crypto and sends Chipotle dollars.

If you put your cryptos into Flexa, you can’t ever take them out again. This is for (checks Crypto Excuse Calendar) anti-money-laundering. They’re sure they’ll work this out within the next (rolls dice) several months. This includes payments in Gemini USD, which is apparently the most trusted form of crypto for payments - though not so trusted that they can risk giving you back your own money. https://help.flexa.network/en/articles/3044427-can-i-withdraw-my-cryptocurrency-balance-from-spedn

Don’t put too much into your Flexa wallet - you can only spend $750 from Spedn in any given week. No reason is given, but I’m sure someone will follow up with explanations why this is absolutely what the consumer wants and is actually good news for Bitcoin. https://help.flexa.network/en/articles/3142914-how-much-can-i-spend-using-flexa

How are your deposits insured? They’re covered by Gemini’s commercial insurance on their great big pile of cryptos. Gemini will absolutely claim any loss was your fault for not being good enough at being your own bank. https://help.flexa.network/en/articles/3142920-how-are-my-spedn-wallet-deposits-insured https://www.gemini.com/legal/user-agreement#section-digital-asset-insurance

Also, every burrito purchase triggers a taxable event - just what every consumer expects from using a payment system to buy a burrito. Flexa won’t be filing any paperwork, but you can have fun figuring out what to do with a CSV dump, or use one of their affiliate partners. Visa are quaking in their boots. https://help.flexa.network/en/articles/3740783-are-flexa-payments-taxable-events

In conclusion, cryptocurrency payment systems have not advanced one dot since 2014, and may in fact have gone backwards.

What times we live in, where this sentence exists: buying a burrito is a taxable event.


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