/uj/ i wrote this like a year ago, but something went wrong when i posted ittrying it now
Mandatory “This is a throwaway account” for obvious reasons. Also mildly nsfw
First, a bit of background. I work as a salesman in a fairly large jewelry store that sells a lot of pretty big ticket items, lots of gold, silver, and diamonds, engagement and wedding rings, and also luxury watches from the likes of Omega, Breitling, and Rolex. The best thing about my job? The chicks. Here’s the thing, I’m an attractive guy, 6`4”, 220 lbs and muscular, and I did a bit of modelling in college. I’ve never had a shortage of attention from the girls; it’s almost too easy. Here’s where the jewelry store comes to play. Even though the products are for women, most of the clientelle is guys. But there’s a pretty steady stream of women, predominantly taken women, which is the challenge, and jewelry sales usually entails prolonged contact between the sales rep and the customer, i.e. lots of time to work my game. There’s a certain intrigue and subtlety involved in picking up chicks while they’re with their boyfriend/fiance/husband, I’ve gotten reeeaaally good at hitting on girls right under their guy’s nose without him even realizing it. Girls who come in to exchange a gift from a boyfriend are by the far the easiest. I probably have a 95% success rate there. Same with 30 to 40 something women who come with their husbands thinking that a new gold necklace is going to rekindle the flame of a stale marriage. The husband can't even take the initiative to pick out a gift on his own. She sees me, a late 20s ex model who looks like he’s been chiseled out of marble, giving her some positive attention and a business card with my personal contact info on it, shiiit, he can’t compete with that. But my favorite part, by far, is working in wedding bands. You so-called PUAs think you got game? Try picking up girls while sitting next to their future husbands, picking out a ring they’ll ostensibly wear for the rest of their lives. My batting average isn’t nearly as high in this situation, but if you compare my average to the greats of baseball, I’m pretty sure I’d be in Ted Williams territory.
Anyway, where was I? Oh right, well sometimes I work in the watches area. Normally it’s pretty dry. Lots of dudes coming up to me, man-crushing on me and trying to chat me up about watches, asking what I’m wearing, “oh a Seiko? Look, me too! Let’s take a wrist shot together.” Fuck off. I get recognized quite a bit, as I played D1 football at a nearby Ivy League school and had a pretty good career. I didn’t get drafted, but I did make the Eagles practice squad for a season, and i was a D-list meme for a bit when pictures of me modeling cropped up in the Eagles online communities during preseason . Thank god our store has a strict “no photography" policy. Not a lot of chicks coming through the watches area. Occasionally a girl will be looking for a gift for her husband, but that’s generally a good sign that she’s in a happy relationship. Women usually don’t go watch shopping for their asshole husbands/boyfriends. Still doesn’t completely rule out the random fling for her, or the possibility that she’s in an open relationship, but overall, batting average is pretty low, much lower than working the wedding bands.
Anyway one day back in February before the pandemic, this guy comes in with his wife, giving off a pretentious douche type vibe. Gucci slides, sweater vest and bowtie, skinny jeans, and kanye sunglasses, you know the type. Wife is super hot though. Like, Cindy Crawfard, Halle Barry, Zhang Ziyi, and Sofia Vergara all rolled into one. Of all the super hot chicks I banged in my lifetime, she was certainly one of them. I barely say “hello” before this guy starts jumping down my throat. “I’m looking for the rolex” and he just starts spewing random numbers. “Ok, one of those types,” I think to myself before I give my prepackaged answer.
“Oh yeah, sorry, those are a hot item, we don’t have any in stock.” Now, I don’t know shit about reference numbers, for all I know we could have a dozen of these things in our safe and he could walk out with one today, but management says we can extort desperate would-be customers into spending even more money at the store with some lofty promise of “building a relationship” with the AD. “… But I can put you on the waitlist” I continued.
“How long is the waitlist?” he asked, slightly exasperated.
“Let’s check,” I walked over to the computer, open up Word Pad and do some pantomime clicking and typing to make it look like I’m checking a waiting list, but I’m really gauging his reaction. (I’m a pretty good poker player, I won 2 WSOP bracelets back in college, which I invested in bitcoin back in 2013, I don’t sell jewelry because I need the money.) I can tell by his level of anxiety that he’s pretty eager to buy, so I throw out a long but not unreasonable time line. “Impossible to say for sure, but my best guess would be 6 months to a year at the most.”
“Is there any way I can move up on that list?” he asks, with a bit of hope and a tinge of desperation in his voice.
Now, selling extra shit to desperate customers is a well-documented strategy, but I’ve also heard rumors of men giving their wives over to the AD for the privilege of paying full retail price for an already overpriced luxury item. I’ve never had a chance to try until now. “Well,” I said, hesitating for a split second while I glance at his wife. It was short enough to pass as inconsequential to the uninformed observer, but just long enough to get the message across to someone in-the-know. “it doesn’t hurt to have a purchase history with us.”
The guy sighs, looks at his wife, and looks back at me. “Ok, well. I think my wife could use a new necklace. How does that sound, honey? Would you like new necklack?”
She locks eyes with me, “yeah, that sounds lovely, I would love a white pearl necklace from this fine gentleman.” (jackpot)
I bring them over to the women’s section and she picks out a gold choker with a single white pearl. I ring him up and put his contact info in our database, phone number, email, street address (super important), and his purchase history, and while I’m at it, the watch that he wants and the waitlist time I gave him. I googled the reference number out of curiosity later, 36mm Grape Oyster perpetual, lol.
I reach into my pocket to hand him my business card, but before I can say “keep in touch” the wife practically snatches my card out of my wallet. I know where this is going.
That evening I get a call from the customer, “Hey, how’s your wife liking the necklace?”
“Oh she loves it. Hey, you know, I was talking to the wife, and she says that that watch would look great on my 5 ¾ inch wrist. She really wants to know if there’s anything else we can do to move up on the list.”
“well-“
“Maybe you wanna, I dunno, come by after dinner tonight, say 9PM.” It’s taking me all my willpower not to crack a smile, not only is he driving my sales, he’s also letting me fuck his wife.
“yeah, 9PM is fine. I have your address on file.” Number 1 rule here is to make this as smooth and frictionless as possible for him, give him no clear window to reneg, don’t get into specifics and don’t sound too eager, and ask as few questions as possible. You have a guy reluctantly prepositioning you to bang his wife, you don’t want him to process what’s happening, or give him the opportunity to back out.
I show up at their place at about 9:05, a giant ass McMansion with faux brick façade, 7 different sized asymmetrical arches of various sizes, and a BMW and a range rover in the front driveway.
The man awkwardly greets me in the foyer with his wife, I don’t remember the guy’s name so I just say “Hey, nice to see you.” (Remember, no questions.) and turn to his wife, looking hot as ever. “Sorry, I don’t think I got your name.” (I disengage with the husband completely at this point.)
“Giseleninia”
“Lovely name, Giseleninia. This is a beautiful home you have here. Would you mind showing me around?” (a more subtle way of saying "take me to bedroom so I can fuck your brains out.”)
“Right this way.” She takes me straight to the bedroom where there’s a Red camera set up at the foot of the bed.
“What’s this?”
“oh, my husband is super into the cuckold thing. He doesn’t like to watch live, but he likes to jerk off to the videos later.” Well that’s a relief, though this is a new one on me, and I’ve seen a bunch of variations of cuckold kinks, this isn’t my first “rodeo” if you know what I mean.
Anyway, we’re kissing on the bed and feeling each other up, and I get to my favorite part, seeing her reaction as a strip down to my boxers, my muscular body glistening like a greek god ( ngl, i did use a bit of baby oil), and then finally, her look of shock and surprise when I whip out my huge cock. (Nick Foles ain’t got nothing on me, believe me) “he really likes it when he can hear me scream.” She says. Anyway, we do the deed, I make her scream, and I give her a white pearl necklace, as requested. It was amazing, and I can say without a shred of doubt or hesitation that it was the best sex of her life. We hang out in bed chatting for a bit, and she’s actually sweet and down to earth. It’s getting late, so we say our goodbyes, she gives me one last long passionate kiss before I leave. I’m not sure if I’ll see her again, but that was definitely worth knocking a month off the dude's waiting list time.
A week later I’m working my game on this super cute Asian chick and her deadbeat fiancé at the wedding band table. She’d be ready to go right here and right now if it weren’t in public. I’m just closing the deal on the bands (I’ll close the deal with the Asian chick later on), when the husband comes in (don’t remember his name, don’t care).
“Hey, hows the wife?” is the instinctual question that I have learned to suppress, and instead go with. “Hey, how’s it going?”
“uggh, fine.” He looks super uncomfortable, I stand up straight as I can and spread my shoulders, towering over him to assert my dominance. “I just wanted to see how the, ugh, waiting list is progressing.”
“No problem, let me check.” I bring up the customer contact list. I had typed in 6 months waiting list and 2 “purchases” worth 1 month. “looks like it’s about 4 months.”
“oh…” he said, he seemed to hope that the fuck would get him a bit more than a month knocked off the waiting list.
“Yeah, but you never know” I said, “sometimes we get an unexpected shipment in that can knock a month off the waiting list.” “I feel ya, bro, a month for a ride with that smoking wife is a bit stingy.”
“Oh, ok, great. Well, ugh, I’d like to get my wife some earrings. And any chance we could knock some more time off that list? Tonight at 9 maybe?”
I hesitate for a second, I already got an iron in the fire ready to go, not sure if it’ll still be hot in a day or two, but that’s just a one-off with a somewhat unknown quantity. I really want to ride this Giseleninia train. Then I remember this dude is a total cuck. “Oh I’m busy tonight. Does tomorrow sound good? 9pm?” (closed questions, no wiggle room).
“yeah, sure. 9 olock. I’ll tell the wife.”
So I bang the Asian chick that night. Sex is always amazing with me, but on my scale, from “best sex ever” to “best sex this year” it was around the “best sex in 5 years” range. So still really, really good (especially for her), but not a life changing event.
The next day I go back to the guy’s place. Only Giseleninia greets me at the door this time, which is 100% fine by me. We bang, it’s amazing, and we somehow manage to top our previous high score. I linger for a bit longer, we cuddle. really, really nice.
So this happens a few more times over the next month or so. He stops by, spends some money, but he doesn’t mention anything “extracurricular”. I’m laughing at myself because I interpreted this to be an “either, or” arrangement, not a “both, and”. Now its usually Giseleninia contacting me, not her husband, again, 100% fine by me, (though a bit of a red flag in hindsight). Anyway, I figure after we did anal the first time, the dude has earned his watch, or she earned the watch for him. The next morning at work I check the safe and see we have like 8 36mm grape OPs in stock (lol). I call him up and give him the good news. He stops by alone (another red flag) pays with a credit card, and sulks out of the store, broken and emasculated. Not very excited for a man who just acquired a grail.
Here’s where things take a turn. I don’t hear directly from the guy, whatshisname, but Giseleninia is calling me up at least once a week, she always greets me alone, and she always has the camera set up. And she started asking me to do really weird stuff with her husband’s watch collection. I used a Patek Phillipe dress watch as a cock ring, and she fashioned some anal beads out of series of various sized AP royal oaks on nato straps. One time, she set all the watches end to end across the bed, and saw how many watches my load could jump, evil kinevil style. As you can imagine, I blow massive loads that go for days. I cleared the California king from end to end and smeared all the watches in the line. My load is so heavy, thick, and powerful that it managed to get underneath the crystal of a rolex deapsea. When I ask where this kink came from, she says that his greatest love is watches, and seeing me and my glistening godly qbody and massive cock using his precious watches to ravage his wife was the ultimate level of humiliation for him. Anyway, this kept on going for months, sometimes with the weird kinky watch stuff, sometimes with just normal, amazing sex.
Then earlier today, I got a call from him, (I just have him in my phone as Grape OP, lol). he starts asking me about a new omega coming out, and throws out a huge reference number. Again, I don’t know shit about watch references, but this is exactly why I carry an iPhone 12 pro max and a Samsung galaxy note20 ultra, so when dipshits start spitting numerals at me like they were common knowledge gospel verses and we were all evangelicals at a bible study, then I use google to decipher their speaking in tongues. “I’m sorry, you broke up for a second there, can you repeat that?” works every time. (Also, all the nudes girls send me fills up the memory too fast).
Anyway, he’s talking about the latest speedmaster special edition, some kind of 51st anniversary man on the moon shit due to release later this year. “Well that’s a pretty hot item, you know, but we have a good history so I’ll see what I can do.” (So I’m not trying to be an asshole, my rationale here isn’t to screw this guy or dupe him into buying more shit, but to sell it to him at full retail, without a discount. After the initial first 2 weeks, we sit on stock for months before discounting it by 25%, then a 40% clearance a few months after that, and then in 6 months time we have to sell the remaining stock at a loss to Jomashop, because the next speedy limited edition is on it’s way.)
“oh, ok. Well, you know, I think Giseleninia would like to see you.”
“oh yeah, I saw her yesterday.”
“you what?”
(oh shit!) “yeah, I mean, I was at the mall buying some new pants and I saw her at macy’s.” I hoped to hell that flimsy lie stuck, if it was provably false, we were screwed. But there was no way to go back on ii without it sounding like an obvious lie. I had to double down. “yeah, I saw her shopping for shoes, I wasn’t sure it was her because she was wearing a mask, but I stopped her and said hi, and we chatted for a bit. But yeah, I’d definitely be interested in seeing her again. I’m kind of busy this week, though.” (damn it, I’m rambling and anxious. my atrophied poker skills can only take me so far)
“oh, ok.”
“yeah, we’ll be in touch. And ugh… I’ll keep you posted on that speedmaaster. Quite the dial, huh?” I was trying to keep him on the phone while I was frantically pounding out a text to Giseleninia on my other phone “If your husband asks, you were shopping for shoes at the macy’s yesterday, I stopped you and said hello, and we chatted for a bit.” I sent the message then wrapped it up with the guy “yeah, uh huh, well listen I gotta get going. We’ll be in touch.”
As I hung up I got her reply “wtf are you talking about, Chad?”
“your husband called and wanted to set up a date to get another watch. I mentioned I saw you yesterday, he seemed surprised, I had to make up a cover story.”
“oh shit.”
My head cooled down. “you’re gonna have to own this lie, the same way you owned the lie that your husband knew I was shoving 200k worth of watches up your ass.”
“yeah, ok, gotta go, husband is calling.” Was the last message I received when I started typing this out. About 30 minutes later, she sent me a message “he bought it :). Now I’m stuck on that feeling of watches shoved up my ass. You free tonight?”
My response: “yes, yes I am. 9 oclock?”
"I can't wait. Ok, ciao."
