Recently, my ex, Jess, reached out to me after six years. Our breakup was really tough; it led to a dark time for me where I even attempted suicide a couple of months later. Let me provide some background. I met Jess through my best friend—they had a brief fling that didn’t last. Despite that, Jess and I stayed in contact because we shared the same group of friends and often hung out at bars.
After a few months of seeing each other and having fun, I realized how much I liked her. She was an incredible person with four wonderful daughters from a previous marriage. At that time, I didn’t tell her how I felt because I never thought I stood a chance, and I'm not great at picking up on hints.
One night, while we were chatting at a bar, a stranger approached us and asked if he could ask us both a question. We agreed, thinking he just needed a cigarette or a ride home. Instead, he asked us to be honest because his question was important. He said he had been observing us and wanted to help. Then he turned to me and asked if I liked Jess. I was stunned because no one knew about my feelings. After a moment of silence, I admitted that I did, feeling very embarrassed.
The stranger then turned to Jess and asked if she liked me. Without hesitation, she said yes. He explained that our body language showed we liked each other but were never going to act on it, and we just needed a little push. To this day, I replay that night in my head, and it still gives me butterflies. I really miss her, and that man at the bar was like a god in my eyes.
After that event, Jess and I got together. Our relationship was pretty normal—we had our ups and downs, but I'm glad to say there was never any infidelity. For the record, I did talk to my best friend before making a move. He was super happy for us and gave me the green light.
About six months to a year into our relationship, we moved in together. For the first time in my life, I felt truly stable and happy. It was a big change from my tough childhood. I lost my mom at 12, and my dad turned to drinking, often disappearing for weeks. With no other family around, I relied on neighborhood families for meals and guidance. I remember getting grounded by my friend's mom for sneaking out at night and getting caught by her.
Jess and I were together for about 5 to 6 years, give or take a few months, enjoying our time as a family. Around 2014 to 2015, I was working in the IT industry as a manager and sometimes juggling two jobs. We had dreams of moving from our rental apartment into a house of our own and building a life together. Jess didn't want to get married or have any more kids, and I was completely okay with that—our hands were already full.
What happened next is something I deeply regret, and if I could change one event in my life, it would be this one. I used to play bingo at our local casino regularly, but I wasn't addicted—just once or twice a week for fun. One night, while at bingo, I met an older couple we’ll call Bob and Sue. They were regulars at the casino, enjoying comp rooms, free food, and even concert tickets.
During a bingo session, I mentioned to Bob and Sue that I had an ear infection I hadn't seen a doctor for yet. Sue, being a bit of a "walking pharmacy," offered to sell me some pain pills". I took the deal. Meeting Bob and Sue turned out to be the worst thing that ever happened to me.
I had a history with pain pills due to a work-related accident in early 2006, which led to me abusing them for a few months. I had managed to stop on my own back then, but crossing paths with Bob and Sue brought those dark times back.
Bob and Sue were both avid gamblers, and I eventually learned they were running out of money. Whenever I ran into them at the casino, Sue would ask for money or offer to sell me more pills. Unfortunately, I took the deals and slipped back into deep addiction without Jess knowing. This cycle spiraled quickly, and within 3 to 6 months, I was fully addicted again.
Then things got even worse. I was laid off when my company changed ownership, money became really tight, and Bob and Sue lost their house and moved to Texas to escape the casinos. Jess was still unaware of my addiction, but our relationship was deteriorating fast. We were fighting constantly, I was sinking into a deep depression, and the only job I could find was a low-paying one that made me miserable. Jess eventually found someone else and broke up with me, kicking me out of our apartment overnight.
I ended up moving in with an old friend's family who had taken me in as a kid and treated me well. Feeling lost and unsure of my next steps, I accepted Bob and Sue's offer to move to Texas for a fresh start. Within a week or two, I relocated and moved in with them, continuing to search for a job while still taking pills.
I mentally give up I had plan that no one knew was coming. I ended up renting a car going up to the mountains went behind a building taped a hose from the exhaust to a window and rolled the windows up and turn off the air. I don't remember much what happen after words beside loud thumping noise and I would assume hallucinations and being really cold.
When I woke up, I found myself in a hyperbaric chamber, my ears popping with excitement. I spent 8 days in the hospital, then went through a detox process and 6 months in rehab at Lifetime. After rehab, I moved into a supportive sober living home in Texas. For almost 3 years, I immersed myself in the 12-step program, eventually becoming a sponsor to help others on their journey.
Yes, I tried to reconnect with Jess after rehab, but she had moved on and found someone new. I returned to my hometown in Arizona, and a few months later, I ran into Jess again. We had a brief 3-day fling that didn’t work out, and we stopped talking. That experience shattered me, and I was hurting and spiraling once more. Fortunately, my friends noticed I was heading to a dark place and invited me to move to Sacramento with them. Within a few months of moving there, I discovered a new hobby—building cryptocurrency mining rigs. Word spread about my skills, and I started a Bitcoin business that thrived for 4 years until BTC crashed. In January 2020, I was offered a job at a major company in my hometown and moved back. I've been here ever since.
Two weeks ago, while working from home, I decided to check my Facebook. I found a friend request from Jess. I froze, not knowing what to do. It took me a week to summon the courage to either accept or decline. I've been so torn about what to do, and honestly, I'm scared of her. Over the last 6 years, I've only dated one person for a short time—just 3 to 4 months—because I never felt the same way as I did with Jess. She crosses my mind constantly. I know I still love her and feel like she's my soulmate. I wish I could go back in time to stop myself from ruining my life with her.
I accepted the request, and shortly after, she messaged me, asking how I was doing, what I had been up to, and if I was single. She even jokingly asked for inappropriate pictures on day one (don't worry, I didn't do that). I found out she had been through a really tough time, spending some time in jail and doing some soul-searching while traveling and being homeless. This blew my mind—I never saw it coming. She was such a strong woman, and I felt terrible for letting her down. From what I understand, she cashed a $1,000 bad check that caught up to her, leading to her extradition to Pennsylvania, where she was in jail for almost a year. She ended up saving money on work release, and once she got out, she got herself a car and a place to stay. She's now working on getting her GED, wants to go to college, and hopes to have more kids and get married.
Whenever I talk to her, I still get butterflies in my stomach, but I'm also scared. She lives so far away now, and trying to make a long-distance relationship work seems unlikely. I asked if she was coming back to Arizona, but she said no, she wants to stay in Pennsylvania and asked if I would visit her in the next couple of weeks. The only option would be for me to move, and I have nothing holding me in Arizona. My job doesn't care where I am, but I know that's thinking too far ahead. I also have a feeling she's talking to other guys since she's open about when she last had sex. I just don't know what to do. I want her so badly, but I don't want to spiral down if it doesn't work out. Please help.
