Disclaimer:don't take this post too too seriously,but I am trying to be objective here.
I see people compare children playing to dogs barking a lot,in terms of how noisy and annoying it is,but I always thought there's enough differences between them that we can try to compare and contrast to figure out which is the objectively worse thing to have plaguing your quiet time .I've made 5 categories to rate them in from less to more annoying on a scale from 1 to 5,1 being the least,and 5 being the most aggravating.
As for context I live in an apartment complex. I've had both dogs (stray ones) barking outside my windows and children(usually young children 1-4th grade) play on the street under my window at least biweekly for a while now,so I have experience with both,also I live on the third floor so the sounds aren't really that annoying that loud,I can't even hear them unless I'm not listening to anything and have my headphones off,but that happens to just be the time I actually need peace and quiet to concentrate on what I'm doing.
Let's actually get on to the list.
1.Volume
This one is pretty easy to compare,so It's going first.
Dogs' barks are usually louder than humans' scream,it's a fact,and they will bark louder that humans,they can't bark any quieter than max volume. I have to give them a 5 here,dog barking is only quiet when compared to a police siren
Dogs - 5/5
Children can't get up to the max decibels of the human range,but a lot of shrill voices screaming in tandem gets really up there,at times you'd swear there was someone ready to snatch up the kids,but they're just playing balls or some like,it's surprising how loud they get.
Children - 4/5
2.Variance
This one seems weird but I don't have a better way to put it,basically it's about the variance of the sounds these nuisances make,and how that makes them more or less annoying.
Have you ever heard of Chinese Water Torture?The idea is that basically,even something as inane as dropping a few drops of water on someone's face can become mental torture that can make one insane,if it is repeatedly done,and they don't have any way of escaping it. You might have noticed,but dogs don't have much variance in the way they bark,a given dog may have from 3 to 5 barks,and that is nowhere near enough the lengths of up to hours that they need to cover.It's really one of the worst things about it.
Dogs - 5/5
Children aren't too specifically repetitive in what sounds they make,but they have patterns,and those are based on the games they're playing,usually it's a few loose screams and callouts as the tension builds up,that then result into the distrancting screams.There is no specific pattern to this,which is actually good because it means that it won't take any of your concentration to try and get ready for the next round of screaming.This might seem subjective,but tell me,if you had to choose between hearing an annoying sound 20-25 times at random everyday,or hearing it exactly with a 1 hour delay for every hour of the day*?You'd be wasting time getting ready for the next sound,instead of just trying to actually relax.Anyway,inconsistency might be better but it's still annoying not knowing when horrible screaming ensues.
Children - 3/5
3.Time gaps
This one is also weird,but you'd understand if you ever experienced these things yourself,they do make sounds at specific times of day,but in that period where they're being a nuisance,the sound isn't constant,sometimes they're quiet for a bit before going back to kill your self control.
There is something else required for a Chinese Water Torture trap to work.And that is a random amount of time between dripping the water onto the subject's face,this kind of suspense and waiting is where the subject actually goes insane. That's why it's better to have unpleasant events happen randomly throughout the day,but it's even worse when it's all you can focus on and you don't know when it's coming.Dogs stop at random for random amounts of time.And I might just be impatient,but it seems like they stop for just enough time to make you think they're done for good,and just as you're breathing a sigh of relief,there it goes again,just when you thought you could get some sleep in,well,time to wait some more so it can lick its asshole again so I can try to close my eyes.Noises like this randomly stopping is torture.I really don't want to seem like I just made this list to shit on dogs but I can't find a part of their barking that doesn't seem to be engineered for torture.
Dogs - 5/5
Children are usually refereed to as such because there's more than 1,and they're playing together,which means that someone will be usually talking at all times,sometimes they stop for a few seconds,but it's too rare and brief to care about,the sound volume does vary,but the sound is always there,which is good because then it's much easier to tune off.
Children - 2/5
4.Length
Now this one is easy,how much can a child play for,how much can a dog bark for?how much is a bitcoin?Let's see.
I don't know how they do it,no other animals seems to be able to do it,and it's like everyone is ignoring it,but I think it's really an elephant in the room,and it's the fact that DOGS CAN BARK FOR 5-8 HOURS WITHOUT GETTING TIRED it's actually amazing,much more than that "unconditional love" people always bark on about,I mean,how many factors are there that stop a human for screaming 8 hours straight?Lungs,vocal box,throat tightening,body energy,preservational instincts,not being a fucking insane animal with nothing to do?Somehow dogs are perfectly made to bypass all of those restrictions.If anyone can give me another non-dog like creature that can make about the same amount for about the same amount of time,i'll bump them down a star,but for now they're a perfect 5,for being literally undefeated.
Dogs - 5/5
Children can play for a really,really long time,they don't have the same kind of responsibilities as adults, so they can easily throw away 3 hours to just play ball with their friends,but they're also not weird hellspawns that somehow get more energy from expending effort so they get tired in about those 3 hours,I haven't seen them for any longer than that,but honestly 2-3 hours is a pretty long time if you need to concentrate on something.
Children - 4/5
5.Time Window
Again,this one is weird,it's basically just asking "When do these creatures bother you?".
Remember how I said children don't have the same responsibilities as adults?Well they're still at least humans so they still have some kind of responsibilities,and those are to go to school/kindergarten and more importantly before that,to go to sleep.I left this for last because I thought it was really important.**CHILDREN AREN'T OUT PLAYING AT FUCKING 4 IN THE MORNING.**Sorry for the language but this one really bothers me,some of the only times when I consistently would prefer quiet is when I'm going to sleep,and it's mostly quiet,because other people are also going to sleep,or they at least respect that I'm going to sleep.Of course things like "respect" are out of the question for dogs,not in a million fucking years will a dog learn of "respect" just like how it will never learn of "restrained" and other "re" words,like "resource guarding".What do you mean resource guarding is a bad thing?Anyway,being serious,I know this is only a problem with strays and dogs that are kept outside to sleep and most dogs aren't like that nowadays.But that doesn't mean that the dog has any care about your sleeping hours or the like,have fun taking midday naps in a dog neighbourhood.I'd give them a 6 if I could.
Dogs - 5/5
Children having to go to school/kindergarten within work hours is great for the parents,because they don't have to drop them off with a babysitter when going for work or take the children with them,it's not great for you as the only time children are being forced to be quiet is probably when you also have something to do.Children can only go to play during your and their free time,which is not very good for you,since they do have patterns I can say they usually come out and like 7 to 8 and go home at about 10.Definetly bad hours to be distracted if you're a night owl.
Children - 4/5
Results
Children- 17/25
Definetly not something you want around,unless you like children,or you have one.Even if you like children,try to understand why people think they're annoying,they're not cute when you've been hearing them screaming for like an hour.
Dogs - 25/25
I didn't try to make this list to shit on dogs,and I didn't think dogs would get a perfect mark,I wanted to subtract a point from somewhere so it didn't seem like a masturbatory pseudo-objective garbage list but I thought about it,and dogs seem like the worst fucking living thing of this planet to pollute the noise (do a noise pollution??this doesn't sound right) around your neighbourhood,I can't fucking think of anything worse,even airports are quiet most of the time.
Conclusion
When someone compares a child do their dog,they're full of shit,we all know they are,but it's annoyingly hard to explain why,because we don't have many terms explaining properties of sound.Anyway I think we all knew the answer but I wanted to rate it.
P.S.This is my first post on reddit that Isn't a reply and I probably could've formatted this better I hope the long paragraphs don't get too damaging on the eyes.Also is this post studicious enough for the study tag?It's humour just to be safe.
P.P.S. The annoying sound would have to be at like exactly 23 minutes past the hour or some inane time so you couldn't actually use it as a useful clock or anything,I know you were thinking about it you smarmy asshole.
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