Those who become uninterested any way throughout may either administer a little more or skip to the last paragraph.
So I've just done meth for the first time. Two days ago in the form of dry powder, and though I've had limited drug experience stemming only from August of this year(MDMA,LSD,Ket,2CB,Mephedrone), I think I found a grand prize winner for my favorite psychoactive substance.
I remember buying MDMA for the first time on the internet from a vendor who also supplied Meth. I remember wondering what kind of person might be behind the computer I was sending bitcoin to, and I remember having my idea of who this person might be badly distorted upon noticing they sold Meth. Meth seemed like a sick piece of evil and twisted chemicals that just destroy you at the time. Meth seemed like the one thing I couldn't find the slightest interest in, even less than Heroin. Maybe Breaking Bad taught me good(or wrong), maybe the rest of the propaganda we all know got a little closer to me when it comes to Meth, but 3 and a half months into having this thought I was convinced of otherwise, so I broke my word and gave a go at this piece.
3 things allured me about it. First and main reason for buying was the thought that it could come very much in handy(and would have in the past) to be in possession of a drug that could keep me working for long hours in times of dire need, regardless of weather it was something pleasurable overall or not. I guess I was captivated by the Germans in Teutoberg. Was also curious about seeing how hard I could exercise on it, but quickly disregarded the matter upon learning the health risks.
Second aspect was the sex drive matter. What can I say, there's nothing to me like getting off to my deepest fetishes, and if anything can make them even more enticing without giving myself a couple days abstinence, I'm all in.
Then the price was the icing on the cake. Even though I consider drugs to be one of the very things that have an unquestionable value for their cost, I'm still extremely budget conscious.
Planned a light dose to get a grasp of the drug. No scales, so I snorted a little bit. 20 minutes upon noticing no effect whatsoever, redosed the same amount, and again another 20 minutes later at a slightly larger dose, and then? Then... oh then, wasn't that some thrilling fucking shit that unfolded from then...
I hadn't planned much regarding the high. Merely meant to get acquainted with it, so I mostly sat by the computer being fascinated and deeply ingrained by every article I came across. Chatting everyone at every platform I had an account in and asking so much about their lives in such a curious manner one would think I was interviewing multiple celebrities. Went for a couple of hours till I went out to meet someone for business. By then is when I could say it got the most intense. Tingling body outta freakin nowhere. I adopt this fierce fuckin look to my face and an undeniable desire to pick out any task and completely and unmercifully dominate it, destroying any opposition in my way. Meeting this bloke then, I was worried I'd seem too high in any way, and not having spoken to anyone else that day, a little bit a anxiety envelops me a bit, but 3 or 4 seconds into talking, this smooth, so smooth articulation of words flows out of my mouth it's bloody majestic. I don't have the slightest doubt every single word I picked for my sentences at the time could not have come out any more adequate for the situation, with the best voice tone and timing my tongue could ever have devised. Whereas I may stutter a bit or not pronounce myself quite as clearly as I should have for whatever kind of reasons from time to time, on Meth that moment was just fucking perfect. God, I loved that shit.
My favorite activity on Meth, however, was video games. I played a strategy game online for a few hours. The reason I mention strategy game is because I'm not made for strategy games. I get bored of all the clicking everywhere and if I'm too lazy and unmotivated I quit trying halfway. On Meth, though? HOLY FUCK. HOLY FUCKING FUCK. HOLY JESUS FUCKING FUCKED UP MARY AND WHATEVER THAT FUCKING CUCK WHO NEVER FUCKED HER'S NAME IS, that mundane fucking match was as thrilling as running the last hundred meters at a competitive racing event and I'm fighting the prick next to me for 1st place, THAT WAS AMAZING! Add to the fact that the guys I play with always kick my ass, the urge to rebel from this mediocrity and utterly destroy them was as fucking enthralling as the word enthrallment gets.
But I'll digress from my experience now. I'm sure these kinds of things have been read and reread enough here, and as mentioned in the title, I'm curious to know how all a' y'all's responsible use with meth has been like over years or months and what all a' y'all's input is on the matter. I planned to keep meth as a tool, and I'm confident I can use it for such now, but having so much fun with this, I can't help but make some more of the substance. It's not to say that I would be outraged were I forced not to use again in life, but I really don't mind indulging at a moderate use. I should mention I had no comedown whatsoever from Meth. 6 hours upon first administration, the effects were just about gone, however I remained very active until the following day at, surprisingly, my regular sleep time. Honestly, falling asleep at my usual hour was just too perfect for the end of a Meth experience. The damn thing didn't even burn my nostrils inhaling or give me too much of a disgusting throat drip. My worst comedown was being sad that I'd have to deal with a comedown, and not exerting myself through the day for fear of running out of the drug's effects and collapsing.
I'm sure many of you will be concerned this could be the beginning of the next junkie down the street sucking dicks to get fixed, but for the life of me I find no compulsion whatsoever to do this again within a too unhealthy time space. While I admit to fantasizing its use a bit yesterday, its reuse couldn't be any less in my mind today. Though I should mention I'm feeling about as awesome as I was for several days after doing MDMA(which I had no comedown on either), so awesome in fact it makes me question if I'm still high, but such is but the contrast between being a bit too miserable for some time without noticing and suddenly feeling normal. Shit, I could really preach on about all the ways I'm gonna change my life were I intent on seeming like a hippie straight out of acid. Regardless of that, no drug has ever really incited a compulsion inside of me that I had to fight to not use. To give you empirical data on the matter, I've done what I planned to be a light dose of Mephedrone(short and addictive like coke, as many claim) and stuck to it without the slightest doubt. The only time I ever feel compelled to keep using the drug is while my judgement is clouded on it. Who the fuck hasn't wondered what a couple more vodka shots would feel like? After I'm done being high, though, there's nothing more to it. I always feel satisfied. I've abused alcohol as a teen at times one would seriously ponder how an alcoholic didn't come out of me, but still 60 or 90 days have several times passed without its use and I do not even notice. Only reason it won't go further is because there's no point, I like to have fun, and I do believe drugs can add to life. Too many of my favorite memories have been spent drunk out of my mind, and at least half of them wouldn't have happened were alcohol not around. I can say the same about drugs so far, though it's been more of an incredible insight than a collection of fun memories so far. Part of the reason is likely because I use all drugs alone. Drugs aren't talked about where I live, neither have I seen anyone do anything but smoke weed. I think not having a social aspect to the matter makes it easier to take responsible doses in a safe manner. Not just from others' pressure, but I've always found it much harder to take a proper dose of alcohol when surrounded by too many people. Then again, that's me, and my judgement always seems at least a bit clouded among a crowd. Wouldn't mind sharing some of the stuff I had, but I have a hard time even picking out someone I know who I'm sure wouldn't get too lost in it, and I couldn't stand being the root of their demise.
Anyway, I appreciate the kind words if you mean to dissuade. I really do, I think it's something special about drug users that I can't find any addict or ex-addict so cruel as to wish addiction on others. I'm always curious to read about others' experiences and you can have a go at dissuading me if you're not a prick writing a dozen word post telling me to just not do it, but the more worried I have been about the possibility of addiction, the sillier I find myself to be for the unnecessary caution. I don't pursue quick pleasures. I make it a point not to, actually. I'm riding my bicycle to the end of the world when I realize I'm thirsty as shit and run out of water. I don't stop and break my time to make it all easier, I set it back for later with the presumption that the longer I don't drink for, the better it will feel when I do. I don't stay up late indulging myself in whatever pleasure or putting off work(procrastinating) if I have to wake up early in the morning unless I'm confident I can keep active by then or I have a very special night. I don't feel the need to seek out any drugs when life get tough(except jerking off if you could call that some kind of a drug). At times I have even forced myself to think in the manner that many seem to think in which drugs take you to an escape when life's a bitch, but I really cannot find understanding of the concept in the deepest trenches of my mind. If issues arise and action can be taken about them, the only logical thing than can be done is to work on them. Not to say that life can't be scary and the thought of just getting away has never been real, but to get high for a short term pleasure amidst all this seems too pointless. It would also rather seem that at any time that I have gotten drunk or high at a bad point in my life, I got out of it feeling only better and more astute about solving it. Even hungover from drinking, though I think alcohol comedowns aren't much of a thing for me either, so if anything, maybe drugs are good for me at bad times since I always come out of them doing great. I refuse to let myself get high for this purpose, though, and I also refuse to believe any action can be performed in a better manner with any drug. I've spent enough time trying to convince myself some kind of work is better drunk, but I've more than concluded it's not the case. I mentioned how much more of an effort I put into my video game on meth, but I really don't believe I did much better than sober. It was simply a lot more fun, and I could go a lot longer. Another thing worth mentioning about this is how all the more sillier I've been feeling spending a lot of the time in my highs worrying about having to face reality in a really shitty mood, when nothing close to it has ever happened. I'm cautious. I'm very cautious. I'm always reading about harm reduction and what the worst outcomes can be. The mere knowledge that Mike Tyson, someone who I'm sure has a lot more self-discipline than I do, has/had a cocaine problem really stops me from going overboard with my use. Even reading of a redditor who tried Heroin and acted high and mighty as I am acting right here and 7 years later shows up as an addict is a lingering restraint in my mind, but I think I'm starting to have enough experience so as to not be so paranoid about these events. Really, I'm very fit and eat as well as it gets(seriously, what kinda fuckin nut has 3 mugs of soup every day for 192 days in a row). I live a peculiar kind of life that is rather too devoid of human interaction physically, philosophically, and politically. It can tear me up inside, and to be completely honest, I can't say thoughts of offing myself are as far away from me as they should be. Drugs have been just about the main thing in my life since August. I don't think at any point of my life have I ever learned so much about myself and the world during such a short time, it's astounding, really! So far, I'd say drugs are the best thing that ever happened to me, and them being my main hobby may seem alarming, but still I don't get lost in them in a bad way. If my least sane self is still resilient to drug addiction, then my best self really hasn't the slightest chance of having an issue with it(and that self will come). Though I just turned 20, I spend a hell of a lot of time studying myself and I know this mind of mine pretty fucking good, even though I'm always learning new things and ways to improve it as time and drugs(lol) go on. I don't see it happening as much as I never really saw a comedown from Meth happening and just as the comedown's outcome, I'm pretty sure the same can be said about the former.
The only thing really stopping me from going overboard with drugs and maybe looking into opiates is the idea that life may become drabber for the rest of it after feeling something a bit too special with a substance even just once(and their goddamn price, srsly dafuq is dat shit). The idea that something can ever feel more intense than an orgasm just sounds like complete bullshit to me, and I couldn't bring myself to self administer something that would be better than an orgasm, that would be a disrespect to sex and I couldn't do that to my favorite indulgence. Speaking of sex, I can really see how some people may not find it as exciting after having it on meth. The mere translation of how vigorously excited I was playing a video game to having sex gives me a pretty clear idea of just how much potential it has to be absolutely incredible, and I may even make it a point never to try it that way(supposing I'll ever even manage a hard on). Even then, though, this chance that a drug might make something way too good may not be something as detrimental as it may seem to be, and even if it happens, it seems merely a natural occurrence of all things in life.
With that out of the way, please do elucidate and educate me. I loved this shit. I love how versatile it can be, love that it can also be a tool, and just really fucking love that competitive side of me lashing out like a crazy motherfucker on it. This alone probably says something about why I loved Meth, the same way my abstinence from acid and other hallucinogens due to the complacent effect they have on me does. Still, I'll never have enough love for a drug as I have for my health and my sanity, so I want to to come up with a proper usage plan. So far, I use my alcohol indulgence over the years as a guideline for weather I'm abusing a drug or not, which is about every 4 weeks putting aside the occasional periods with a higher frequency. Would be content with such a frequency with meth, but will definitely not mind extending if it's best to do so and will certainly do so while inexperienced. Whatever would help using it safely, but more importantly how you've personally managed it so far and not have it manage you, I would love to know. Do please share as much as you can, I'm as curious as sober curiosity gets.
Do you regret having first tried it? Why/why not? Do you feel the same way about other drugs you've done? Do you recommend it in any way at all? Have you lost control of your use frequency at any point temporarily? To what extent and how did you deal with it? Do you consider quitting? Why so? Have you noticed any long term side effects?
No comments:
Post a Comment