i've posted this story plenty of times but i'll go about it again.
i didn't go to college, i didn't go want to take the normal route. i fell in love with playing poker or felt that i had always wanted to play professionally since i was about 15-16. i dropped out of college because i had no idea what i wanted to do and just worked a shitty job until i got good enough at poker to give it a go.
i moved overseas to play online and while in the beginning i faced a lot of hardships, i ended up prevailing. i quit playing poker 2-3 years ago when i had my biggest winning year to focus on day trading. i had roughly 6 digits liquid cash on hand at this point in my life around 23-24.
so around when bitcoin started exploded i had played a lot of cards right and eventually ended up making around 2-3 million dollars day trading crypto. i got cocky, i built up a huge ego, i felt like the world was in my hand and i could finally do what i wanted to do.
right before 2017 had ended i had made a lot of bad trades and i wiped out almost 75 percent of my funds.. i continued to keep trading. i kept trying, yet i knew deep down in my heart the market changed from under us. any time i post this story i get people letting me know that my story is fairly similar, i'm not blaming big banks or ai or anything because at the end of the day it was me who pulled the trigger but their inevitable showing ended most manual traders from the market.
so now it's 2019, i'm completely broke, no job, i'm living in a country where i don't speak the language with my family. i don't want to play poker either since i closed that chapter in my life a long time ago and i just don't want to do it anymore. i don't think i'll ever trade again either since it just ended up being a disaster for me. i'm also in around 7-8k in debt and i'm not even sure what to do about that since i don't live or haven't lived in america for years.
i just feel lost, empty and confused. have you ever felt that you knew exactly what you wanted to do in life and then you did it but that wasn't really quit the answer you were looking for? i'm not only a bit bitter about what i did to myself i'm also just fucking jaded about relationships in general. friends, girlfriends, i feel like i can't open up to anyone since any time i do i get hurt. it's almost like i figured out how to function living alone and i don't really mind it anymore. there's a difference between being alone and lonely, i don't feel lonely. if anything i'm more focused on what i need to do i just don't fucking know. i'm 26 and i feel like i should have done something by now at this point in my life.
it really feels like the halfway point of an RPG where you did the mainline now you can go do sidequests but you don't know what to do and where to go so you look up a guide. except there isn't any guide for life.
i don't want to be bitter, i don't want to be jaded, it's just fucking hard after everything i've been through. ironically the money never made me happy anyway and it was most likely why i had to lose it all in some spiritual sense because it came from a place of emptiness and my life didn't want that anymore.
anyway sorry for the rambling, if anyone has any ideas on how to push forward that would really help. i also don't think school is a good idea either since i feel like if i put my mind to anything i can accomplish way more within 4 years than school + debt could give me at this point in my life
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