Imagine, you are a 18-19 years old kid.
You have everything you need, family, friends, girlfriend, own rent, parties,
university, health, happiness, future, peace of mind and a grand in your pocket.
You go and lose the grand.
You go a few more times and lose them all.
You just ask yourself what the fuck is wrong with you...Years pass and you realize you are a pice of worthless shit.
This is my first and probably my last reddit post. I read lot in this thread and unfortunately found similir stories.
I'm 21 now, I live in Hungary, Europe and English isn't my native language so sorry for grammar and spelling mistakes and for the poor vocabulary.
Here goes my story, I hope it will be instructive for somebody.
Lets go back in time to 1989-90, 8-9 years before I was born. The communism and socialsm ended in Hungary and in Eastern Europe.Around this time appeared slots and casinos in Hungary.
Huge change, new opportunities. This time was a goldmine for "entrepreneurs", you could make big money from almost everything.
My father has really good business sense, thats what I inherited. And gambling addiction.
I heard lots of stories about him, just a few to mention. So he made businesses (nothing illegal that time) and in two days he made more money than my mother earned as a teacher in a year. He could lose that in a night. Stealing money from my mom or from his parents. They sold lands,houses actually everything to pay off his debts.
One of his friends suggested him start to operate slots. A few years ago that man was one of the 100 wealthiest Hungarian.
My dad chose the wrong side of slots. Funny, isn't it?
This addiction went on, causing lots argument.
As a child I never understood this arguments, but I knew something isn't ok. They divorced when I was 5 or 6. Then my mom raised me.
I don't want to seem stuck-up, but I'm quite clever and have good logics, always had good grades with almost zero learning-but it doesnt matter-, I can memorize things, understand and solve problems easily.
I learnt to play chess and poker when I was around 6 or 7. My mom sometimes play poker and different card games with her friends at very little stakes-like 1 or 2 Euro. Just for fun.
I regulary played with them as kid and as a teenager.
I had to write this down, because I belive genetics, childhood arguments and playing with real money led to my addiction.
I have to tell after my parents divorced, my father started some not legal "business", making unbeliveable huge money in days.
As I was told once he made 6 million forints in one day, that time that money worth about 25k euros, for that money you could buy a flat in the downtowns of county capitals, or a house in the county.
He lost that money in a night. When I met him I got lots of stuff from him. New phone, best clothes, toys, Legos whatver I wanted.
Then got busted and spent some time in jail. Now he has nothing, no money, no house only a 20 years old car. You can fell from high.
But I cannot complain because my mom provided me everything, above her money and power.
I had everything, we weren't rich just a little above the avarage, but it wasn't a problem to go skiing or on holiday to aboard and things like that.
Probably this is why I didnt learn to handle money. If I asked for something, not for big things, just for lunch in the school bufet or to go out with friends I got money.
Now really start my story. First, it was a golden time.
I exactly remember the day. I was just 16. It was afternoon, and I was heading back to the high school because I had an exam.
I saw the postman and I bought a scratch ticket from him for no reason. That decision defined my life.
(Here in Hugnary you can buy scratch tickets from the postman, my mom used to buy once or twice in a month.)
After the exam with one of my older friend scratched the ticket and I won from ~4 euros about 30.
This is not big money, but for a 16 year old kid is quite good. I had everything what I needed that time, always got money for going out. That moment I felt really happy. Well, who isn't happy if get some extra money?
Then we went and changed the ticket for money. That friend always bet on sport events, but only at minimum stake. I was always intrested in sports. Played handball for years.
So he showed me how can I bet on them, I risked ~3 euros and I won 25. I was so happy, 55 euros from 3. A factory worker earns this money in 2 days here.
We went out with friends at the weekend. I invited friends and girls for drinks. I belived the world is mine.
Age limit doesn't really matter in Hungary so thats why you can play gambling and buy alcohol easily.
From this time I bet once, then twice a week and the stake was rising, not big amounts, but well for a teenager is big. Sometimes I won, sometimes I lost.
Mostly lost, but I always had money, beacuse I got and I always found out how to make money, but I don't want to say more detail here because, not really legal but nothing serious. My classmates started betting on sports too, but at the minimum stake, less then a euro. By that time I was playing with bigger stakes. Oh, I laughed at them. They laugh at me now.
At the end of the high school mostly everybody hold a party, banquet for friends and family before final exams.
Ussually friends and family members gives money and alcohol.
I had a quite big party almost like a small wedding and of course was given lots of money.
We decided with my mom, we put this money into my bankaccount, collect a little more and buy a car for me.
I lost more than a thosuand euro in two or three weeks, things started became very serious. I didn't even realized what a fool I am.
Then in next September I started the university, I moved from my little town to one of the largest city in Hungary, first to a dorm then I got a rent.
It wasn't far away, only one and a half hour bus trip, but I didn't wanted to travel 3 hours almost every day.
My mom paid everything. My dorm, my rent, my tuition fee, my living.
Once we went out with friends for a few beers and then went to the casino. 2nd worst decision in my life after buying that fucking scratch ticket.
Those lights, sounds. We played roulette, I won.
Then I started going to the casino with friends, when they didn't want to go I went alone.
Roulette and sport betting. Not the best pairing.
Usually I went back to the dorm Sunday afternoon, I almost every single time lost my money what I had for the week that night. I ate the food for 4 or 5 days what I took from home. I could live as a king, but I was the one who never had any money. Always borrowed from some friends to live, eat, for bus ticket to home and for gambling. Sometimes I hadn't eat for days.
Started having debts, not bigs but I always went back with more money than my friends and I had to borrow. What a shame. I claimed students loan, in one amount for a semester. Almost a grand. Lost it in two day. No debt was paid.
But, I did not give a f about it because I have to pay it back after I finish the university.
I decided to stop gambling, pay my debts. I decided to find a student job, I had much spare time so I will pay my debts and hopefully I learn to appreciate the money I have.
I didn't have so much opportunity, this part of Hungary is not so rich. Few jobs and they don't pay well, esspecially student jobs. I found one where I could start the next week. It's hard to explain, but I went to this agency's office, signed the papers, went to the doctor to get the papers.
On my first -and last day- went to this factory. It was a factory job, but they were looking for students. I went there. There were no students, only these 40-50 years old, uneducated people, who worked their whole life in the factory and the biggest joy in their life to watch some shit reality show in the TV.
-I have no problem with factory workers, a job is a job, its not a shame to work, but these people were horrible, we couldnt even talk. Worst 8 hour of my life.
Few days later went back to this agency office, gave back the keys I got and told I don't want to again. They said okay and they pay me in cash instead of transfer money. I assumed I will got about 20-25 euros, but they deducted their share and the price of the permit, what the doctor gave me.
I got 1120 hungarian forints(about 3.3euro now), that time I smoked Davidoff Classic costed 1180Ft. I couldn't even buy a fucking pack cigarettes from my favoruites after 8 hours of work. Went back to the dorm to the roof where smoking was allowed, lit up a cigarettes and almost started crying.
I asked myself, where is my life going.
A little break for 2-3 months. I paid the money what I owed to my friends. Find a really nice, loving girl.
Then I moved to a rent. 600m from the only casino in the county. Fuck. 3rd worst decision.
I started going again and betting online, losing money. I found a student job in an office. A worked lot there meanwhile coping with gambling. Once I noticed my salary arrived I lost it in less than a half hour. I worked a fucking month.
Losing student loan again. Well, started kind of "business" in big. More money. I don't want share details here, but I earned with a 6 hour "job" as much as in this office during a month.
Of course lost everything. I borrowed from richer friends money, because no capital left and they knew what I do and I earn really good money.
Lost the borrowed capital. Sold almost everything what I had. Macbook, clothes, childhood toys. Almost everything. Lost that money also.
My mom gave me in cash my tuition fee for the semester on a sunday, before I went back to my rent. From the train station I went directly to the casino instead of my rent. Lost all my money. Borrowed more money to pay the uni.
A few friends and my girlfriend knew that I gamble, but I always lied. Few times got busted, arguments, then I promised I won't gamble more. A few friends knew about my debts but they thought just a few hundred euros. This is how I lived for one and a half year. Paying some debts, borrow more money, gamble. Fucking circle. Was always late with my rent. My girlfriend bought me food, what a shame. I was so ashamed myself.
There was a time when I was studying at 4am because I had 1 exam in the morning and 1 afternoon. One of my friend wrote me a message, they had few drinks, they go to the casino. Im not that kind of sport man and smoke almost 2 packs a day. I ran as my life was at stake.
I spent the weekends in my hometown. We always played some games on xbox, drink few beers, had a good time. These always ended up driving to 30km to the nearest casino, losing everything.
Another time I was alone in my rent with no money no food left. I sat down in the kitchen. All i had a week old bread and mustard. I put the mustard on the bread and started crying. Whats going on, where my life is going to.
I could tell you so many short stories about what I did, what I lied.
And a very important story how I made broke my mom. So I was into cryptocurrencys and things like that. I convinced my mother to invest some money into Bitcoin and other stuff. She didn't knew about my gambling so the gave me a thousand euro, in a short time it became more so I conviced her to give me more money. I got 6k euro. Then later about 10k more. Its a big amount here. She earns about 800-900euros. I invested this money really, I didn't touched it. For a month. I lost it in about 3 months. Well, actually the exchange rate dropped to the half but I lost it.
Last year, October did the same lost my tution fee. Ah. Then my student loan. Then borrowed from another friend and I also lost that money.
By this time I was oweing to 20-30 people. From 3 euro to 3000. I couldn't get more money.
I was about to be kicked out of university so I decided I have to tell my mother I have problem with gambling. I told her I lost the money and I have debts. I lied. I said less debt than I really have, just the urgent ones. It was a little calming inside. I knew its not on me anymore. Partly.
Of course she was mad at me, after living with my father for 20 years. Her hell starts again. We agreed I move out of my rent and go home, I will travel with bus to the university when I have to go in and she pays my debts to my friends but I will have to pay her, so I will have to find a job. Oh and she gave me the money to pay the tuition fee. What did I do with it?
You can find out. I lost it.
What an idiot am I?
My girlfriend broke up with me, my mother is mad at me and I gambled again. Im stressed and depression takes over my mind. I thoguht I hit the rock bottom.
I lived for a few more weeks in my rent becasue that was paid. I didn't attended to the uni. Just sleeping and lying in the dark room all day thinking about suicide.
Finally my tution fee was paid my father, because I told him what I did again.
When I moved out and was collecting my stuff, so many memories came back. And I asked again. What an idiot am I?
So I moved home. I felt really bad. Arguments every day. I wanted to die. I didn't even went to my exams becasuse I couldn't study. I was doing nothing but lying in the bed whole day.
I decided I postpone one semester and go to Germany our England or somewhere, work a half year, pay back as much debt as much I can to my mom and to my friends.
This Febuary.
But I didn't want to step out my comfort zone. I decided going on with the university, I pay my tuition fee from student loan. I got a permit I don't have to attend to my class, just to the exams, because I started working at a gas station in the highway, not far from my home.
One of my friend helped me, he worked there for more than 2 years. So stared working. My first salary lasted for three day. I lost more than half of it, bought a few clothes, I went out with friends.
Somehow my mom come to know that I lied and I have more debts than I admited, and I gambled again. So she kicked me out. Rock bottom? Not yet.
So moved to my grandmother. Well, the circumstances were different from what I used to. I got my student loan. Lost it. Okay, no problem. I will pay it from my salary. I had a quite good salary, about 650-700Euro plus tip, no qualification needed, but you have to work your ass off. Of course I lost my salary. Borrowed money. Gamble. I could pay my uni and some debts. Lost that money too. Borrowed more money, win more. Lost it. Fuck it. It's easy to win big, but greed...I cannot cope with it. Winning more. Always wishing just win as much to pay off my debts.
Got warrants from the uni, finally then they kicked me off.
2 months after my mom kicked me out, I got a phonecall. She is in the hospital, probably stroke. Oh fuck, I went there. She didn't got stroke, but so much strees wasn't good for her. So I moved home, our relation got a little better.
But every single month I lost half of my salary at least. Paid off some debts. I lied to my parents I paid all off them. I just made more.
I paid my debt to the uni, I applied again so I could start it in September.
I also got fired from my work in the begining of September because I stole money. Absolutly not me. I can't tell you how ashamed about it. I regretted it the most in my life. I never stole before. I paid it back. From borrowed money, because I lost it. From my last paycheck I made a big money, I could pay off all the money I owe to my friends. Even some would left. I lost it. Okay. No money, no work. Its okay I can focus on my studies. That was the last I gambled.
In the last three months didn't do so much, attending to my class and got into some business, not a good kind, good money, big risk. Made some money paid off some debts. But I'm not into it anymore. I live day to day instead of prison. I've been in really deep depression for the last year, but finally seemed it will be better. Until yesterday. My father collected the money for my tution fee. I got it. Urge. Make more money to pay the rest of the debts to my friends. And I lost it. The deadline was a month ago, I already got warrants, I have no energy to ask money from friends or family. This is the end. I will be kicked out soon. Again. The university is the only thing that motivates me. Not anymore.
I just realize now it took me more than 4 hours and a half pack Lucky Strike to summarize my life. My life...actually my debts, which is more than 25.000Euro at this very moment.
I gambled everything. And now I dont mean financial things.
Friends became acquaintances.
My mind went broke.
My body went broke.
My future is ruined.
I lost my interest in girls, in studying, in parties, in games, in life.
All my will to live left me.
Now, I look back on my life. I see nothing. Its just a bunch of lies.
I do not blame anybody about my life. I made this. I bear the consequnces.
But if I could go back in time, I'm sure I wouldn't be writing the last line of my story.
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