I wanted to make one other post here for the night.
My mother has been telling me "what not to do" on the Internet for over 20 years. I'm not even talking about the weird stuff that my mother and brother pulled in 2011 when I started doing things away from my family. See, in 2011, I got to know people, and the manipulative, prying nonsense that was pulled was too much for me to bear. When I was in the hospital in 2018/2019, I expressed a lot of disdain for what was done in 2011. I was told to look at it like a mobile....You know, what babies have above their heads in their cribs. I was told that "the family structure was disrupted." One of the goals of my team in the hospital was for me not to see what my mother does as "malicious." See, "my team" wanted me to see my mother as beneficial to my life. Yeah, well, it wasn't MY fault that "the family structure was disrupted" in 2011. I don't know how much I'm allowed to say about my brother on this subreddit, but it wasn't my fault that "the family structure was disrupted in 2011" when my brother was spying on my Twitter activity for no good reason and when he "asked me to become friends on Facebook" when I was most vulnerable so that he could spy.
One day around 2014, I built up the energy to get out of the house and after my day out, my mother passed the phone to me to talk to my brother. My brother asked me "what I did in the city." My mother was listening on another phone in the house. It's a team effort. Teamwork makes the dream work, and the dream is needlessly harassing and monitoring me.
I could barely speak when I was 18 years old! My father got angry and bullied me over what I had to say. My mother held it in and later shrieked her lungs out at me over what I had to say. My brother made fun of me over what I had to say. If I were to have done anything away from my family, then my family would've acted far more crazily than I could've imagined.
Anyway, as for "what not to do" on the Internet, well, my mother warned me of "the PATRIOT Act." My friend from school talked to me about "anti-Taliban humor websites," which were probably racist dribble, and my mother said "DON'T go on those websites!" I once played what I believe is the end credits song from Team America on my computer in front of my mother. My mother told me "Get this SONG OFF YOUR COMPUTER!" Then, when Wikileaks was all the news, my mother said "DON'T go to Wikileaks!" Then, when I got immersed in the brony world because I needed SOMETHING in my life, my mother told me "The FBI is looking into people who are DOING PONIES!" The brony world brought me much pain. Once I left home for the dorms, there was no need for the brony world in my life anymore. When I began looking into Bitcoin because it was something that INTERESTED me, my mother told me "Maybe, don't do that money on the net. The FBI is looking into people who are doing it! There's a lot of ILLICIT activity being done with it!" My brother tells me "You'll lose all your money!" I don't have any money to "lose," though, so he says a lot of nonsense.
Now, with the current situation in the Middle East, my mother keeps telling me "DON'T do anything stupid on the Internet! Everything is being monitored VERY CLOSELY!" She's not even telling me what not to do when saying that.
I hope I didn't say anything out of bounds with this post. This is purely about my experiences with my family. As I've said on this subreddit, it's something that continues though I don't want it to continue. I don't understand why I need to hear everything that I do that's wrong. I'm an adult. Children shouldn't be subjected to that, either, of course. My lousy psychiatrist from the past once said "She doesn't know how to stop being a mom!" regarding my mother when I had to take the bus to her office when my mother had broken her ankle. Oh, okay. I guess that's why that psychiatrist was trying to place me in a group home. That day, that psychiatrist had prescribed me anti-anxiety pills to take when I got so worked up, but that wasn't addressing the root cause of the issue. I'm talking about those family members who would leave that psychiatrist angry voicemails after my appointments. After my parents broke my door in 2015, I called the police because I didn't feel safe. The next day, I got text messages from that psychiatrist because my parents had to blame my call to the police on someone. Someone had "influenced me." What did the police say, though? "He shouldn't have had a lock on his door."
In early 2014, I called that psychiatrist when my father was following me through the house and harassing me all day. That psychiatrist said "If you call again, I'll have to increase your meds!" She was able to hear my father ranting like the freakin' lunatic that he was. So, no, I do not trust psychology and psychiatry. I know that that goes against what people feel in this subreddit. I had a psychologist bully me, harass me, and otherwise, treat me like absolute crap. She told me "Give me the money that your grandmother is giving you!" because my mother wasn't paying this psychologist with what was going on in 2011. She tried to get me to smoke marijuana. I don't care how "accepted" marijuana is. It doesn't interest me. Nonetheless, she told me "You don't want to feel more relaxed?" She tried to get me to go to this program and she told me "If you don't go to the program, you don't want to get better!" Because I was taking buses to New York City to be around events to have SOMETHING to do away from my family, I was to "take the bus" to some bus shelter so that I could go to this horrible program.
My mother thinks that "one psychologist" ruined my view of them. ONE? I've dealt with so many of those employees and they've all treated me the same way. They turn on you. AND!!!!! This is all when my family has been in control! And they've treated me like CRAP in regard to these employees that I was seeing. Also, my family members would leave these employees screaming voicemails about how terrible I was....and this psychologist used that against me in 2011. The psychologist had told me "Your mother said the police called. They said a lot of porn is being looked at at your house. That can't be you, can it?" GEE! I was so stressed! And that psychologist always waited until the end of the appointment to tell me these things. Also, I remember that psychologist's smile when I expressed my fear....My father was threatening me one day in 2011. He was in a state of psychosis. He said that I called the place where my brother had a job interview to ruin his interview and that my brother was going to beat the shit out of me. And guess what? My brother has stated that that day, he "was ready to beat the shit out of me."
My mother is still trying to get me to see a psychologist. Sorry. If someone is "young and male," it won't make a difference. The only people who I trust less than psychologists, social workers, psychiatrists, and the like are my FAMILY. I had to deal with a social worker who tried to prevent me from leaving home for the dorms in 2016 and to accept a group home, by the way. That social worker worked at my community college. What business was it of hers? When I tell my mother this, she says "That's old news!"
By the way, my family is just insane enough to have a discussion about my father repeatedly telling me "I have one GOOD SON!" made sense because my grandmother had a favorite child that was not my father. Or to just watch as my father made his way upstairs to undo my Nintendo Wii and take it from me because he "heard that there might be something wrong with it" on CNN and I didn't want to hear it, and to comment on how "I was right." I had gone slapping my father's back, and he just kept at it making his way further into my room, undoing all the cables, and taking it because "my mother is just good enough to buy it for me." What he heard on CNN was the recall with the wrist straps that were too thin. Well, if I "was right," what the hell were they doing watching from the doorway? I slept on the floor out of depression for most of Christmas that year.
I've generally had to either go with my family's insanity because "going against it" would've more painful than going with it! If I said no to anything, then I would've received so much vitriol and harassment. When I spoke out against that psychiatrist for wanting to put me in a group home, I was told "You have seven classes left and you can't graduate." That didn't make any sense. Nobody around me has made sense if my family has had anything to do with them being around me. Recently, my mother agitatedly told my best friend "I treat him well!" My mother is SO concerned with how my friend perceives my mother's treatment of me.
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