Hey Reddit, I am running out of strength, I will start from the latest events to the oldest, some may think this is not that hard and to man up, but I am literally planning my departure from this earth.
I am just a simple 34 years old man, living paycheck to paycheck, it took me 14 months to find the job I currently have, and it is the best pay I have ever gotten, I am basically a freelancer, no benefits, no protection, 40 hrs a week for the last 9 months.
They could "end" my contract and that is it, jobless again, lately I feel like one of the managers has been highly nitpicking, and it looks like she is on the top of the pyramid because two other managers always reach out to me in a very kind manner and sometimes kind of jokingly about whatever it is the lady is going say in a wide company email about whatever it is I did "wrong".
I am anxious all the time, as soon as a manager says hi my heart skips a beat, I triple-check all I am about to type or email before sending it out, and I am trying to keep the lowest profile possible, and that kind of backfire because the client I am assigned to, hasn't been very active, and one of the "friendly" managers asked me why I have not been trying to help the rest of the team.
Since I have been here, the lady who hired me quit, the guy who trained me quit, and two coworkers that held my same position quit, and they have not really been "replaced", people have been moved around, and I feel like my name is next on the list of people that "quit".
The next thing is, my wife and I got lucky and the place we rent was extremely cheap to what the country average is, and we have been living here for almost 4 years, literally one-third of the price for rent everywhere, but all good things must come to an end, and the landlady has asked us to move out since the owner is coming back to the country and wants to live here. Looking for a new place has made me realize that I will lose the extra weight I have.
When my wife and I started living together, we had a very rough beginning economically, we both got into deep credit card debt, I had loans I was not able to pay, and we both dig up our hole as deep as the banks allowed us. Once we reached the bottom, there was no option other than to start slowly climbing. Where I live, the banks sue you, then you get your bank account sized, your cars, properties, etc, so we did not have a thing under our names but our IDs. It took years, but we decided that since she had less debt than I, we will work to pay off hers first to get access to bank services, be able to request services, and start building some credit, she is now out of overdue debt. In my case, I still have nothing but my ID under my name.
We have been together for 11 years and lived together for 9, she was kicked from her mom's house, then from her grandmom's house when we had less than a year of "dating" I bought her to my parent's home without asking permission, we used to walk everywhere because we did not have money for transportation, we had it rough, but we went through it. We have only had 2 screaming fights, and a few don't talk to me right now moments.
For the last 2 years, we grow apart at the beginning it was for sure my fault, we never had it easy, and I used the internet and video games to escape from the world, I noticed, and try to make it right, and was kind of successful, then covid hit, things happened, got two jobs due to being afraid of the stability of my job at the time, got stupid lucky, and used all my "extra" money to buy bitcoin and that is how I took care of my responsibilities for most of those 14 months without a job.
During the time I had two jobs and was learning about crypto, everything was closing, zero quality time, covid panic everywhere, you know, I notice she was super bored and sad, so I thought, I will get her a PC, so she can play, and socialize on the internet, and I did, and it worked, she found friends, joined discord groups, chat, play, she did not need my attention as much anymore, good I thought. Long story short, lost both jobs, and bitcoin saved me a$$, but we grow apart, even more, her online friends took the spot and I could not get it back.
About a month ago, she told me that we act like just roommates and that she did not want to be my partner anymore, law here says everything inside the house belongs to the wife, so if she decides to keep it all, there is nothing I can do, anyway, all of it was bought under her name since I do not have any bank history due to my debt. I have been heartbroken, I do all I can to distract my mind, can't go for a walk, or I think about this and break down, my soul is in pieces, and I think I am having panic attacks, I must keep my mind numb, watch whatever I can get my hands on.
We are not fighting, and we have "talked" about the situation, I think she has a lawyer already, honestly, I do not see the point anymore, no one depends on me for survival other than myself, I have a job that looks like want to give me the boot, I have to leave this home anyway, does not look like I can afford a decent place to live, and live for what, the person I love and wanted to live with does not want me around anymore, the future looks like shit, why would I want to stick around alone for it?
