My entire life

I’m going to tell my entire life story right now. Because I’ve never told the entire story to any in my life. My life story has been seldom unheard because I’ve never had anyone to listen. While growing up my family moved every 1-3 years, either to a different state or a different country. In total I moved 9 times before I reached high school, and went to a total of 11 different schools during that time. Making connections with people wasn’t difficult, but keeping those connections after I moved was. I recently counted and found I’ve had 30 people in my life I consider close friends. And people say that’s not possible to have 30 close friends. But that’s only 2.5 friends per school I went to. Sadly as of today I don’t talk to any of those people. I recently learned those people play a big part in my life, but I don’t play a big part in anyone’s life. I have one friend I send a few texts to once a month from high school. I also never dated anyone during those times. Not only did I not have friends, I didn’t have family. My dad cheated on my mom a couple days after I was born, and they stayed together because of their religion despite never loving each other. They never held hand, kissed or even said I love you. I didn’t realize this until I was older. I don’t have any relatives I’m close with. I didn’t even know my mom had 2 sisters until I was 16, she didn’t let me know about them because they are gay and she didn’t want me thinking that was okay. She had a twin brother as well, I met him one time when I was 4, he passed away recently. My dads side had some family I saw once every several years for thanksgiving, but no one who actually talked to me. My mom never put me in therapy. So I essentially spent my entire life isolated and alone, cutting my self in my bedroom. My mom used to emotionally abuse me growing up. She would call my hair cuts ugly, and I remember she would say things about me until I would cry and hug her and I was always so confused. She would tell people I was a bad kid, and make up stories about me. She made almost all the friends I made growing up not allowed to hang out with me. My dad used to be amazing in my eyes. I learned it’s just because he didn’t abuse me, but in reality he was never there. He essentially lived in the basement. And would take jobs and move to the new state 6 months ahead of us. When I was 15 my parents finally got a divorce. During the divorce my mom grounded me and took away my phone because I snuck out. Then without notice she packed my stuff and moved me to a new state, all well keeping me grounded and not letting me say good bye to anyone. A couple weeks after the divorce my mom moved us in with a new family, in a new state. They were actually really nice people, nicer than my family. One night after the divorce I smoked some weed, and I had full psychotic snap. It was worse than any acid trip I’ve ever had. I woke up the day after that weed experience and had derealization so bad that I thought I was dead. I couldn’t tell anyone this, so for months, so I suffered alone living with full dissociation not even knowing what it was. I had hallucinations daily for months after this, and couldn’t sleep because when I closed my eyes I would hallucinate endlessly. One day i must have fully broke because I found my self in the hospital strapped to the bed hallucinating, with my mom filming me. She said “this is what drugs do to you”, while she showed me the video of me strapped to the bed, I was still in the bed at that time. That night I was sent to 2 weeks of intense in patient care, where I was given heavy does of antipsychotics. I told the doctors I was convinced I was dead. My dad never came to visit while I was in the hospital. And when I got out everyone just pretended it didn’t happen. But I wasn’t really better. I still to this day suffer from sever dissociation, but I’ve learned to live with it. This was all freshman year of high school. As time went on I got better. But the abuse from my mom never stopped. I have very bad dissociative amnesia, and I cannot remember more than a few memories from my childhood. But I do remember my mom constantly calling me a drug addict, who would grow up and fail out of college and end up homeless. And one day I would feel so bad for the way I treated her I would finally apologize. We yelled at each other daily, and she would accuse me of being in drugs, dig through my room toss shit everywhere. I wish I remembered my childhood, because I have a sister who I love, but I don’t have a single memory of us together growing up, not a single one. I would like to remember the good parts of my childhood, because I’m sure there was some. My dad didn’t visit one time during high school, he didn’t come to one sporting event, or any of the clubs I ran.. I did visit him during a few holidays. During my senior year of high school I was black mailed by this teacher from another school who was pretending to be a young girl to get nudes from minors, I told him I went to the police because I knew was what going on. No one believed me, and I ended up getting expelled from school and fired from my job, because this teacher sent in a bunch of anonymous photos from my private story about me drinking and smoking to my school, they told my job that I was smoking in the parking lot, it was a daycare so I was fired, this was not there. After I switched jobs, he some fucking how found out where I switched to, and I never posted about this. He told my sonic boss I sold his kids weed, thankfully my boss didn’t believe it. No one believed me about this entire thing, thought I made it all up. But just last year this man was finally arrested by the fbi for possession of child pornography and black mail, he is still on trial and the Snapchat names posted by the fbi are the same ones I went to the police with 4 years prior. This event got be kicked out of school for the last 3 months. Luckily i was valedictorian at the time, so they let me graduate from home instead of fully expelling me. During this same time a couple days before I turned 18, my mom was going through my phone like normal. She would lock her self in her room and spend 12-24 hours going though every inch of that phone. She found a Reddit post where I was posting about how I learned to live with dissociation. She was pissed. She asked me wtf that was. I told her how I suffered with it, and how it almost made me commit suicide. She replied with “good you deserved to have that, because you did drugs and never came to me for help”. She went off to her room and cried the next couple days, convincing my step dad to make me apologize to her. The day I turned 18 I packed my bags when she wasn’t home, and moved into a friends basement where I slept on the floor for 6 months and worked at sonic. I blocked her and didn’t speak to her for almost a year after this happened, so she had no idea where I went. after those 6 months, I moved to college. And a year into college it was her turn to help pay for my housing, as was decided in the divorce agreement. So I reached out to her, Big mistake. She used this against me for a long time. Until I said fuck it, keep your money. And we didn’t speak for another 2 years. Fully No contact. While in college I made 2 best friends, and 2 friends into. At the time I was selling some Decent amount of weed to people in college. My best friends who i had lived with for the last 3 years of college called their parents and told them what was going on, let me mention the dude who told his mom had given me $500 the day before to get him an ounce of weed for him to sell. Regardless his parents gave me one week to move out or I would be arrested, they were rich lawyers and I wasn’t gonna play with that. I moved out and have never spoke to those guys since, it’s been 2 years. And now I’ve graduated college, surprise I didn’t fail out mom. I’m now getting my PhD in neuroscience at 22, and work in a full time neuroscience lab. Not only that I spent my entire time in college investing heavily into bitcoin because I didn’t want to ever need my family for anything. I could now buy my own house and probably retire soon. Needless to say, fuck my parents, fuck my mom, I did it. Thanks for reading this far if you did. <3