Hey guys, just wanted to share some excerpts from Charlies new book, "How To Guard Your Coins And Manhood In Prison".
It really takes an "inside" look to proper measures a Bitcoiner will need to take to not be mounted in the gox while in prison.
Always sleep with your cardboard stock paper wallet in your mouth, and your back to the wall. In the unfortunate event another person in your bitcoin and prison community is trying to put a member in your mouth, they will pass given the rough feel. If your booty hole is tucked against the wall, you are creating a Chinese firewall to prevent the dragons from pillaging your cavern.
There is no such thing as free bitcoins, or a free candy bar. No matter how nice it may seem, the large ogre offering you magical Internet money, or a free Snickers bar, is merely trying to perform wizardry on your brown eye. Better batten down the cheek hatches, and politely decline.
Never shower. A nice hot shower after a long stressful day of doing nothing may appear welcoming, but danger lurks around the corner. The second you slip off those not-so jesus like sandals off and snuggle up to a shower head, the mythical trouser trout beasts will appear. They will come in many forms, and before to long, you will be drowning in a pool of their offspring.
Always be working on updating your security measures. As you are now fully aware, there are many potential attack vectors in the Bitcoin prison community. One large ogre created a DAO and has hoarded all of the Bitcoins and Marlboro's. Decentralization is at risk.
Your only option is to build a majestic sword made of the finest Colgate toothbrushes and tape, and slay the beast. Luckily, the ogres code was shit and you found a way to drain the funds via a smart contract.
With all the other ogres basking in your brilliance, you are now free to romp around the fenced in land proudly wearing your White Hat crafted out of toilet paper. You have successfully survived your first week in prison. Both your Bitcoins and booty hole still in tact. You have gained the respect and trust of the ogre nation in your community. You go to sleep peacefully.
Alert Alert. Bitcoinwisdom alarms going off like crazy. You wake up to discover there was a massive hack. The price of your Bitcoins are plummeting, thanks Finex, and your bed sheets are soiled in blood. The smell of brown sorrow lingers in the air throughout your concrete home.
The fetal position is your friend. Despite the urge to sell your hacked Bitcoin tokens and battered butt hole virginity, you hodl. Like the great Spartan you are. You curl up in the fetal position and dream about the days when your coins can rest safe in a Trezor, and wars are not being battled over your poop shooter. Hodl tearful Spartan, hodl.
The list really could go on. An amazing book delving deep into the physical and mental struggles of a Bitcoiner in prison. Well done Charlie!
No comments:
Post a Comment