FRIDAY, JUNE 4, 2021/ Finely crafted by Lily Herman
Greetings! The first week of June is almost in the books, so let’s finish it out strong. I’ve got loads to ~unpack~ with y’all today, including a new COVID milestone, another 2000s throwback and the tech leader who supposedly gives off a “beloved dictator vibe.” Oh, and the internet says to put mustard on watermelon. This has truly become the darkest timeline.
News To Know
- June 1 marked the first day since March 2020 that there were under 10,000 new COVID-19 cases recorded in the U.S. Our dude Anthony Fauci must be stoked.
- The FDA issued what was probably one of its weirder press releases: It reminded people with seafood allergies not to eat cicadas since the bugs are related to shrimp and lobsters. First of all, WHAT?! And second of all, EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?!
- If you’re having a bad week, just remember that at least your family home isn’t teetering on the edge of a massive and ever-expanding sinkhole in rural Mexico.
- A lil’ programming reminder: Looking for connection in the midst of deep division? Join Yahoo! for the online event America Talks next week on June 12 and 13. Come hang out and bridge political divides! Woooo!
Finance For You
- The rental car market is having what can only be described as a Chaotic Girl Summer. Demand is skyrocketing but supply remains low because #reasons, and basically this mess could last anywhere from six to 18 months. A fun time!
- Do I want to talk about Elon Musk for a third day this week? No, but currently the spiraling Bitcoin market is having problems rallying because Mr. Teslapants tweeted out the name of the cryptocurrency next to a broken heart emoji and added a Linkin Park meme. I kindly ask Elon to leave us emo kids out of this!!!!
- It’s time to check in on one of tech’s favorite ~alleged~ scammers, Elizabeth Holmes. As you’ll recall, her fraud trial is finally set to begin on August 31 after numerous delays, and now she’s asking for the court to exclude certain evidence. Here’s what’s up with that.
Sports. Sports. Sports.
- Roughly 10,000 volunteers have backed out of helping with the Tokyo Olympics with just 50 days until the start. Officials say there are still 70,000 volunteers remaining and that the dropouts won’t impact them, but … oooooof.
- The Medina Spirit drug test fallout continues: Trainer Bob Baffert is banned from Churchill Downs for two years, meaning that his team can’t compete in the next two Kentucky Derbys. Baffert will no doubt have some interesting commentary on the matter, to say the least.
- Seventeen-year-old American sprinter Erriyon Knighton wasn’t even born yet when Usain Bolt set the junior record for the 200-meter sprint in 2003, but the Floridian just bested it by two milliseconds. I spy a future Olympian in our midst.
Culture Corner
- The Youths are at it again, this time swearing that you should drizzle mustard on watermelon. Even Lizzo tried it out, but this is gonna be the hardest of no’s for me, y’all.
- We already have a global pandemic, a bazillion cicadas and a low-rise jeans trend, but now we’ve also got to worry about allergic reactions to eyelash extensions?! The world is truly Too Much.
- Say hello to the HyperChiller, the contraption that can cool drinks in just 60 seconds. Brb, gotta have a discussion with my bank account about why we *need* this.
Tech Talk
- GameStop and AMC had better watch out, because the r/wallstreetbets subreddit has set its sights on a new meme stock: BlackBerry. Uh, 2009 called and said to perhaps rethink this one.
- Things seem Not Great at Medium. After quashing a unionization attempt and offering voluntary payouts to editorial staff, CEO Ev Williams sent a culture memo that led to more questions from employees. An anonymous former staffer referred to the note as having a “beloved dictator vibe,” which sounds ... specific.
- Microsoft will officially unveil the next version of Windows on June 24, so let’s get ready to party!
Entertainment Spotlight
- Controversial celebrity attorney F. Lee Bailey passed away at the age of 87 from unspecified causes. He defended O.J. Simpson and Patricia Hearst — in addition to other high-profile clients like Dr. Samuel Sheppard and Capt. Ernest Medina — over the course of his career before being disbarred in two states.
- Seth Rogen wished ‘Superbad’ character McLovin a happy 40th birthday on social media to coincide with the DOB on his very, very real driver’s license. He’s old. Old enough to party.
- ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ is coming to an end next week after 14 years and 20 seasons, but here’s a question I’ve always wanted answered: How did this random family end up with a reality TV show in the first place?
Fantastic Finish
Well, I was today years old when I learned that I’ve spent adulthood completely missing a crucial part of the oven-cleaning process. Have fun with the existential crisis that will no doubt ensue!
Thanks for reading today's issue of The Yodel.
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