Christopher: Hi! This is me, Christopher, a crypto degen with a crush for CryptoKitties. I'm on my way to Cryptoland, the number one crypto destination on Earth where crypto enthusiasts, or Cryptolanders like we're called here, can meet with like-minded individuals in real life. And when Connie, the founder, told me that visionary investors could own a piece of this unique island, I smash-bought one of the sixty exclusive parcels in the Blockchain Hills. That's how I became a King Cryptolander. There it is!
Random Dude 1: So, are you coming to the Vladimir Club party tonight? Random Dude 2: Yeah, just for Cryptolander NFT holders, right? Random Dude 1: Yeah, man!
Connie: Have a nice day, sir. Christopher: Thank you. Connie?! Connie: Christopher! Come here, buddy! Christopher: Aha, it's been a while. Connie: Yeah, fifty thousand blocks, at least! Been waiting for you since consensus. What are you, a pending transaction, or what? Christopher: Well, I guess I'm confirmed now. Ready to become a Cryptoland maximalist. This is crazy! Connie: Ahem. Sir, wel-coin to Cryptoland: The HODLers of last Resort! Christopher: laughs Brilliant! Hey, stacking sounds like crazy, right?
Random Dude 3: Honey badger don't care! Random Dude 4: We are going to make it!
Christopher: The community's loving it, like on Twitter. Can't wait for you to give me a tour, Connie. Connie: What do you want to see first, Christopher? Christopher: I don't know. Let's start with the best. Connie: No! I always keep the best for last. Let's go leave your luggage in your home first and then I'll show you around.
Connie: All the other King Cryptolanders have been arriving from all corners of the world. When we get to the Blockchain Hills, you're gonna understand what I meant by a first-class crypto lifestyle, man! Hey Martin, please get us a car, would you? Martin: Yes, sir! Connie: Everybody is here!
Connie: Carolyn, here he is! Christopher: Hi. Carolyn: Hi, Mr Adams. Nice to see you, sir. Did you have a good flight? Christopher: Oh yes, excellent. Thanks for asking. Carolyn: Great! Here are your keys. Christopher: "Not your keys, not your bitcoins." Seriously? Connie: "Your keys, your bitcoin. Not your keys, not your bitcoin." Christopher: laughs Where do you come up with these crazy ideas? Connie: I'm not gonna tell you where. Martin: Sir, the lambo's ready. Chistopher: What?
Lambo: To the Moon! Connie: To the room! To the room, not the Moon! Entering the Blockchain Hills. Christopher: Hey, what's that? Connie: The Vladimir Club. Cryptolanders' members-only club. We are preparing everything for tonight. We are throwing the most epic crypto party ever. I wonder who your plus one is going to be. laughs
Connie: Here we are. King Cryptolanders' territory. Christopher: Wow! Connie: And here we have the sixty parcels. Christopher: I can't wait to get to mine! Connie: Ta-dun! Christopher: Oh, my -- wow! laughs I got the parcel to build something dope for vacations, but now that I'm here, I might never leave. I'm already see we're gonna have the time of our lives! Show me more! Connie: OK!
Connie: First stop of the tour. This was on the top of the list. A much-requested working zone. The Hub! Folks approached me saying, "Connie, we need somewhere where we can be programming surrounded by palm trees and views to OpenSea!" They were sick of working from tiny offices. Why do that, when they can work from paradise? So we built it. Come on in!
Connie: People are picking up their passes for the event. Tomorrow starts the Cryptoland blockchain week. We organise a number of different crypto conferences and meetups year-round. Lots of crypto VIPs coming tomorrow. You can feel the entrepreneurial spirit here! You can work, get coffee, and when you get stressed, you can hit up the de-stress room. Christopher: The de-stress room? Connie: Yeah, the de-stress room. Christopher: A pool full of coins?! That's insane! Connie: Don't be shy. Go ahead and try. Everybody loves it -- uh? Christopher: Woo-hoo! laughs Connie: If you like this, just wait until you see what's next.
Connie: The Crypto Restaurant! You're gonna love this, Christopher. Lambo: whistles To the Moon! Connie: You little bot! Group of Lambos: laugh
Connie: Jim, any tables available? Jim: Well, we can set up the twelfth if you want. Connie: Alrighty! Here we go!
Connie: chuckles Miss, here's the order book. For startups, I would suggest the 10K Bitcoin Pizza. The Atomic Squash Lemonade! Freshly squeezed! Waiter: You want poisons? Christopher: Thanks. Where's my fork? Connie: Oh, and of course, you're gonna love this! Christopher: There they are. Connie: Flash Crash Soda! The Lightning Network Juice.
Bianca: Oh, I'm sorry. Christopher: No, no. No no, please go ahead. I uh, ahem, I'm not a fan of forks, you know? Connie: Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi. Bianca: laughs Classic. Thanks. Enjoy your meal. See you around.
Connie: While you were too busy doing your impressive wordplay, I went ahead and ordered for you. A 10K Pizza and a bubbly Mutant Serum for you. Bon appétit!
Christopher: You know, Connie, I think I'm falling in love with this place. It's so ... peaceful. Connie: Peaceful?! chuckles If it wasn't for those flying hackers! Watch this. Seagull: Bitcoin? Christopher: Holy smokes! This is mass adoption at its finest! What's that? Connie: That's Cryptoland's walk of fame! Christopher: Whoa! Connie: Follow the crypto stars and you'll get to the Moon! Christopher: laughs That was fun! Connie: Boy, we are in Crypto Beach, and fun is the norm here!
[Song begins]
Connie:
Oh you invest, you study the best And what do we say when investors make the test Let's make a deep dive so we can survive You don't want to end like my Mt. Gox friend
But enough about swim, let's go to the proof-of-work gym You can work out, make the ladies pass out Lift the ASICs, like you mine Now thanks to BitMain, sweet friend of mine
But not everything is pretending if you want a happy ending You will need to combine body and mind
Got the keys of my wallet Where I hold Cryptoland tokens 'Cause this place is blockchain-ised Get familiarised
Christopher:
I don't wanna leave I feel like it all Crypto is in my chromosome That's the place, look at my face I'm in the crypto space
Chorus:
You'll have fun at Cryptoland Join it with your all, gang Hoo, hoo, hoo, honey 'Cause it's all around the land Come visit us sometime Hoo, hoo, hoo, honey Join the decentralised Investor's paradise Hoo, hoo, hoo All you need Oh yes it's here
Connie: Are you a good pilot? Christopher: Hm? Connie: One of my favourite attractions here in Crypto Beach. The Micronation of Cryptocurrency. Which coin? Christopher: Uh, ETH. Connie: I'll go with BTC. I'm lightning fast! Three, two, one. Go!
Connie: OK, boy, you beat me here, but I'm still on the ball, I'm the king. Hold along for your dear life, make the price go up!
Chorus:
To the Nakamotors Read the white paper Climb to the Moon [unintelligible] Reaching the garden Meet the Satoshi [unintelligible] This is the Crypto Beach
[Song ends]
Connie: sighs I'm exhausted. Cheers, Christopher. Christopher: I'm still amazed by the success of the Cryptolanders NFT collection. What a great idea. Connie: It's the visionary community of Cryptolanders that supported it. Those are the real OGs. They quickly understood how powerful creating a physical representation of the metaverse would be. But in retrospect, it was inevitable. Christopher: Is that -- You finally built the pyramid?! Christopher and Connie: Hey, hey, hey!
Random Dude 5: I come from New York City, New York. I came here to connect a little bit, you know. And have fun!
Christopher: Oh my God. This must be a joke. Pinball Machine: This is real! Connie: Hey Christopher, check that out! I bet you haven't seen a pinball better than this one in your entire life! The world is not any more like it used to be, no, no, no! Mmm, mmm, mmm! Christopher: Ho, ho, ho, look at all these details -- laughs Pinball Machine: Create an account. Deposit your money. Lock it up. Become rich. Involve family and friends. Check your balance. That's a scam! Christopher: I love these games! Connie: Well, if you like these games, then you might want to check Carlos in New York and Ponzi Connect. While I kick Bernie Madoff's ass. Ring, ting ting ting, ting ...
Christopher: This is like the Disneyland of cryptos! Bianca: Oh no, no, give me my wallet! No, no, my hardware wallet! Christopher: Are you OK? Bianca: Yes, but he got my wallet. Connie: Grr, enough is enough! I'm gonna get him! Hey darling, I know where we can get a twenty percent gain! Seagull: Twenty percent? Connie: Or more! Let's take profits, baby! Before you go on free fall! laughs Bianca: Oh no, he's flying away! Christopher: Hmm. Ah, forget about it. Bitcoin is dead. Seagull: He's dead? Bianca: Oh my God, thank you! By the way, I'm Bianca. Christopher: Christopher. Nice to meet you ... again. Um, would you like to go for a walk? Bianca: Actually, I was thinking about taking a CryptoKitty. Would you mind sharing? Christopher: I would love to.
Connie: Looks like he found his plus one. Ha, Vladimir Club's party is about to start. As promised, we saved the best for last. See you all there!
Connie: Can you see it? Christopher: Who couldn't? It's magical. Connie: Well, you are the first person I've shown it to.
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