Yesterday, I finally got a chance to listen to the audiobook Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. The reason why I chose to listen to this book was to find out why I hate my mother more than usual. I know she can be irritating. But I'm at my limit.
In Elementary School: She never helped with homework. She never played with me. Instead, she slept. Argues/screaming/threatening your father constantly. When upset, she goes to me for emotional support. Constantly talks POOPY about dad. Behind his back, to your face. He talks POOPY about mom with you too. Never wants to talk about your problems because children don't have any. Sucks at cooking Throws my hand-made gifts in the garbage. Tells people she never received anything for her birthday or Christmas. Buys Christmas/ birthday gifts based on what she likes. Example: I wanted a remote control car. She got me Barbie dolls. Whatever she likes, I like it. Example: She likes French vanilla ice cream. I like French vanilla ice cream. She gets mad at me for getting sick. Yells at school nurse for trying to get mom to miss work. The school nurse just needs her to pick me up. Brags on the phone to friends about all the hard work she does and never being appreciated. Sleeps Yells/snaps at me whenever I cry or get slightly sad. Hates how sensitive I am. Hits you with a sandal or a leather belt. Made me stand on my knees for an hour as usual punishment. Won't let play outside Lies constantly I got hurt on a playground once. The kids laughed at me. I told mom. She asked the kids, which one of them pushed me. They both said neither. Her response. She banned me from playing outside ever again. This was my biggest regret. It felt like I was being punished for getting hurt. I kept other kids from getting near me after that. She called me “annoying", “selfish"," and “self centered". She hates bringing me anywhere. All I did was complain and cry. She hated the fact that I don't speak her native tongue. She only speaks to the whole family in English and then she sleeps. She would get made when I said “ow" or anything after my sister hit me. She wouldn't allow me to pick my clothes. She didn't like how I smiled on picture day. I was following the photographer's instructions.
Middle/High School Era
Missed the bus once, refused to take me to school due to how ugly my sneakers looked. “You deserved to get bullied.” Compared me to my friends constantly. Likesome of my friends. Hates some of them.
Refuses to buy me books “that's selfish" and “how am I supposed to feed the family if I'm spending money on your needs all the time?"” Buys me video games and then tells me not to get on the news like all the violent psychos.
Makes me miss all of my sister's school plays/in school family events because I need to study. Sister grew to hate me.
It makes me feel bad about her type 2 diabetes.
Believes I have depression due to the fact I never smile. The doctor agrees with her. I somehow ended up taking Prozac on a daily basis.
She refused to let me celebrate Halloween due to religious reasons. We don't go to church.
She got mad at me for getting a “B" in English.
Constantly reminds me that the family is poor. Hates it when I tell my friends we can't afford what they have.
Is embarrassed to be seen in public with me.
Hates asking stupid questions. Doesn't want to be seen as an idiot. Makes me ask in her place.
Watches Spanish soaps operas constantly.
Her boyfriend yells at me constantly and demands respect.
College Era
Watches YouTube excessively. Still hates how sensitive I am. The first time, my sister attacked me. Mom's response: “You're older than her. Why are you letting her treat you this way!?”
The second time my sister hurt me, I called the cops and mom got mad at me. She spent your birthday trying to prevent your sitting from going to jail. Let her future husband physically harm you once. “Why are you fighting him? He's bigger than you.” Married him the next day. Didn't invite you to the wedding. Hang giant photos from the wedding all around the house. Brought him to my high school graduation. Allows her little sister to mock me to my face. She refuses to help me financially. When I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, the doctor told her that some of the symptoms were irritability and depression. This made my mom happy. “That means Name doesn't hate me. It's just their thyroid making it seem that way.” My mom said with a smile on her face. My doctor agreed with her. I never let my mom go to the doctor again with me after that. Reminds me to lose weight Pays for my sister's food, clothes, phone bill, college, dorm, and hair. Has no idea why I can't afford rent?
In 2019, I was unemployed for most of the year. My mom, as a way to help me, applied my name to several jobs without my consent. She did this because she hated the sight of me being on the computer all day. I was actually learning how to be an online entrepreneur, how to make money from the stock market, how to do 3D sculpting, how to make 2D animation, how to make video games, how to code, how to build websites, and if bitcoin is a scam. She would enter my room with a disgusted look on her face. She believed all I was actually doing was playing video games because what else would I be doing on a computer? Because of her, for several mornings, I received rejection letters and phone calls from people I've never talked to explaining why I'm not qualified for their jobs. I thought this was a horrible way to start my mornings. One day, she decided to take me to this supermarket I've never heard of. A friend from her job told her about how the butcher position in the meat section was open. I had never worked in a position like that before. The manager was there. I placed myself in front of her, and my mother was at least 1 foot behind me. My mom was pressuring me to talk to the manager. The manager looked at me, then at my mom, then right back at me. To get us to leave, the manager told us the application was online only. I told her I had already applied online, and I brought my resume in person. She looked at my resume and pointed out that I lacked the qualifications for the job. My mom was standing behind and angrily whispering to do a "better job," "make more of an effort," and be "more convincing." The manager could clearly see what was happening, and as a way to humor my mom, she told us that she'll check my online application and contact me for an interview. My mom was happy, and we left. It's been days. My mom kept asking me to check my emails and my phone. No emails, no phone calls. My mom demanded that I call the manager. No response. She kept driving to and from the store multiple times per week to talk to the manager. The manager would make up excuses as to why she never responded. Eventually, my mom noticed that the hiring sign got taken down and that there's a person she's never seen before working at the butcher section. She hated the manager for lying and wasting her time. Eventually, I got a job as a cashier in a gift shop for a 4-star hotel. The manager was nice. She let me draw when there were no customers around. When my mother learned I was working Christmas, she made a big deal about it. I thought that was weird. It's normal for people in our family to work on Christmas. The reason why it made her upset was because her little sister was visiting, and my mom wanted us to look like a normal family on Christmas. Another time, she made me feel bad for not graduating college. In 2016-2017, I failed Algebra 3 times and lost financial aid. I got into a deep, dark, suicidal depression that lasted for a year. My mom demanded that next year I finish school. I remember being happy on Christmas because I was by myself. It was quiet.
In 2020, I remember hating the pandemic for reasons that never made sense to me until now. My job as a cashier was pretty chill. I was making above minimum wage at the time. I worked 40 hours a week, and I was usually the only person in the gift shop. March 25 was when I got a call from my boss saying that the president said we all couldn't come back to work for a short period of time. Everyone on the internet was complaining about how unfair it was that they couldn't see their family again. I get to see my sister and my mom on a daily basis. After the first month of the pandemic, my mom kept pressuring me to find a new job. She kept guilt tripping me. She kept lecturing me on the importance of saving my money. She kept saying I can't do the same things forever. When I got my stimulus check, I bought a course on digital painting. Every time I played the videos for this course, she would interrupt me and tell me to stop wasting my time and find a new job. She kept pressuring me. She was getting inside my head. Her words would bounce around the inside of my skull when she wasn't in the room. I gave up on my dreams of pursuing art and tried to get into the stock market and penny trades. She complained that I wasn't making money fast enough. I tried dropshipping, hated it, and ended up losing money. She made me spend my stimulus check on driving school. I paid $90 per lesson. My instructor told me that driving lessons wouldn't be enough. She said for at least 1 year, I need to practice driving outside of class. I needed someone with a driver's license to sit in the passenger's seat while I drove around. My mom was the only one who fit this requirement. She was busy, she said. In reality, she didn't want to. When it was summer, my mother made me use my stimulus check to buy my sister and me an air conditioner, and she promised she would pay me back. She never did. My sister is just another version of my mom, by the way, but I don't feel like typing about her. Every time I bought something that made me happy, like an art book, my mom would ask me if I'm saving my money. She told me that I'm wasting my money. She doesn't understand why I am using my money on all these things that made me happy. Which is hypocritical coming from her. When she wasn't criticizing me for my life decisions, she would make me stop what I was doing to help her order stuff off Macy's. She would always have a coupon.
In 2021, I had a difficult time getting a job again. I got a temp job as a junior counselor at a summer camp. Then I was unemployed again. I ended up in the mental section of the hospital because I showed suicidal tendencies. At first, I was nervous, but then I chilled out. I was away from my mom. But for some reason, they contacted her. She would call every day asking for me. I refused to talk to her. The nurses would make me talk to her because she sounded sad. I was trying to explain to them that she was literally the reason why I was there. They would allow her to visit me in person. Every meeting with her was an insult. She would pull out her phone and make me help her order stuff from Macy's. She said the only thing I was good at was playing video games on the computer and that I literally did nothing else. I asked the nurses if they heard her; they ignored me. I told the doctors there about my problems. It's just me talking about how my mom is making me upset. They gave me some depression medicine and some anxiety pills. I hated those 2 weeks.
In 2022, I found a program that helps people of special circumstances. They worked with the college that I failed at and found a way for me to graduate without taking algebra. Apparently, I had dyscalculia this whole time, and I was never diagnosed.
Several things happened as time went on.
This year, I got a data entry in an office setting. I work 40 hours a week. My mom is finally proud of me. She said, "Yep, that makes sense. You were always good with computers." I found myself hating her more than usual this year. During the summer, she brought my 2 uncles to stay with our family. When she talks to my uncles about me, she says, "Name is really good with computers. If you need help with computer stuff, ask them. They will always help you with computers." One time, when I was leaving to catch the bus, my uncles stopped me because they accidentally deleted WhatsApp from their phones. I had to quickly reinstall and set up the app for them. While I was doing that, they were complaining about how I don't speak their native language and how communication would be a lot easier if I did. Another day, I came back from a long day of work. They asked for my help; I ignored them. I was tired from my job. I would come home later than usual to avoid them. My mom gave them detailed instructions on how to interact with me to get me to help with their computer problems. My 2 uncles needed to use the copy machine and didn't know what to do. My mom gave them instructions. She told them to wait for me by the door. When I get to the door, use their bodies to block the entrance and tell (NAME) that they need to help them with the printer. She even told her boyfriend if he needed help, and he could just ask me any time. Her boyfriend would always need help submitting his online homework. Another time, he needed me to help set up the Amazon Echo security cameras. Another time, the cable box wasn't working properly. Every time I entered the kitchen for food, her boyfriend and my uncles would need help. They would guilt trip me; they told me that my mom said it was okay and that it was an emergency. When my mom was home, she would pretend to care. She would let me take breaks as long as I promised to come help later. If I was really frustrated, she'd offer $10 for my service. I hate coming home because of her.
Edit: Didn't talk about my childhood. Just added that. Fixed some grammar mistakes. FAQ "Why don't you just move out?" Trust me, I've tried. I can't afford rent, and it's hard to find a roommate.
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