I am not The OOP, OOP is u/InheritanceMine
AITA for not sharing my inheritance?
Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole
TRIGGER WARNING: Loss of a parent, entitlement, child neglect, coercion
Original Post Feb 3, 2022
So bit of background, I was a BIG oops. My bio-mom was a wealthy woman who apparently never wanted marriage or kids. She met my dad at a work event (same job type, different locations, not sharing specifics for anonymity) and they started seeing each other casually for a few months and then boom, her pill, the condom, and the plan b all failed to stop me from existing. My mother was going to abort me but my father begged her not to because he was actually MARRIED and was told his wife only had like a 1% chance of ever carrying a baby to term. She agreed only on the stipulation that she can give me up, no visitation, no parenting, nothing but child support and he and his wife reached an agreement and took me under the ruse she'd raise me as HER biological daughter. Needless to say I never met my bio-mom. But it doesn't get any better for me from there.
My step mom actually ended up having a miracle about a year after I was born. A son. My brother has NEVER treated me any different and I love him dearly but I could always tell I was never my parents priority. I more or less just kind of existed to be seen, never heard or really acknowledged unless it was something for the "family".
When I turned 13 I got the opportunity to meet my bio-grandma (mom's mom). She had no idea I existed and petitioned for visitation. I loved it so much with her that I asked if I could live with her. My dad and stepmom seemed happy to be rid of me and accepted. My bio-mom never visited her mom anyway (a rift over her not settling down and having kids). Well that was 6 years ago.
My bio-mom just died a month ago and surprisingly left EVERYTHING she owned to me with the stipulation that I go to school for business and better myself (according to her letter that the lawyer and trustee told me about). This is life changing money I'm talking I went from lowest middle class (grandma left everything to me, but it wasn't alot, just the house and a couple thousand) to a multimillionaire. Now my dad and stepmom are on my case to share the money. I have no idea how they found out as grandma passed last year (right after I graduated, it was her dream to see me graduate and she had been sick for a few years) and the only person I talk to is my brother but I never even told him.
Apparently they don't have the money to send him to an ivy league school like they've always wanted, but money is no longer an object for ME. I know they raised me for 13 years, but this money could really change my life. AITA if I don't share it?
VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Solrackai
Info: where did your bio mom’s money come from?
OOP
From what I know, she was a very successful business woman and owned a couple of businesses overseas and several properties in the states. She also invested in Bitcoin when it first started I guess?
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LAH_9917
I am a little confused. What exactly did your parents do to you that was so horrible? I mean, for a woman to take in her husbands child that was born due to cheating, sounds like a pretty stand up thing to do. I could not imagine her pain. If you'll be a "multimillionaire", half a mill-a mill sounds like a drop a mere drop in the bucket if you will. Also, being lower middle class while raising two children close in age is quite difficult. I know the financial struggles parents go through at this SES status. So, what happened that makes you not want to share just a bit with them? Because honestly, you could have been aborted by this person that left you this money if not for your dad and his wife who was cheated on, but chose to be a bigger person and give you life by taking you in
OOP
My brother is the only one, aside from my grandma and a few close friends, who ever showed me any love. I was taken care of in the way of a roof over my head, food, and clothes, but I was hardly spoken to, never praised for any accomplishments, never celebrated my birthday, they didn't even attend my highschool graduation. I merely existed. I was a bandaid solution for my step mom's infertility. I was to be raised AS HER'S like my step mom was to be my "bio mom" but that all changed when my brother was born. I can't remember a time of love and affection from them in my whole life. If not for my brother, I would have run away and I highly doubt they would've even cared.
OOP added in the commnets
Here Feb 4, 2022 (Next Day)
I made an appointment with the attorney and trustee handling my "situation" to see if I even COULD. But I won't just GIVE them money. I've been reading the comments, I really have, and alot tell me about some sort of fund I could set up that would go to his school ONLY. And funny enough, I talked to my brother about this whole mess. He doesn't even WANT to go to an ivy league school. He wants to go to art school but dad and step mom REFUSE to pay for it, saying it's a waste of time and of his talents. So now I don't know why they want money if it's NOT for his schooling.
Update 1 posted - Feb 10, 2022 - 1 Week Later/Same Post
UPDATE:
I'm not sure about the protocol of an update but I have one. I made an appointment to see the lawyer and trustee handling my bio-mom's estate. So the gist of the meeting ended with them telling me that how my mother wrote her will, in order for the inheritance to TRULY be mine, I have to go to business school. So I couldn't even give money to my dad and stepmom even if I wanted to, which, thanks to all of you, I learned I have no moral obligation to do and WON'T be doing. Plus, I talked to my brother and he doesn't even WANT to go to an ivy league school, he wants to go to art school and dad and stepmom REFUSE to pay for it. I offered to him that after I complete my business degree, which I'm going to do, I would be MORE than happy to pay for his art school. He graciously accepted and told our dad and it did NOT go well. They have threatened to disown him. They apparently want him to be a lawyer or doctor or something with a high salary so he can "take care of them" I guess. They had a massive blow out fight and he is now moving out of their house and into mine. While he's still in highschool, he is TECHNICALLY 18 now so I'm not sure if I'll get in trouble with the police, but I wasn't about to let my brother live in the streets! I've been driving him to and from school while still working until I can register for business school. Thank you to all who commented and offered advice!
RELEVANT COMMENTS
PNWNative1992
After reading the edits, I’m glad everything worked out OP! But what does worry me is how the greedy “male sperm donor” found out about your inheritance in the first place?
OOP
I'm honestly not sure? My only guess is someone in his working community told him she died and he correctly assumed I got an inheritance from her?
Update 2 Aug 30, 2023 (18 months later)
Not sure if anyone still care since it's been over a year but I still get messages so I'll provide an update.
Last I updated my brother moved in with me and my dad and stepmom were PISSED to say the least. They did try calling the police but once he showed his id being he's 18 they pretty told my parents there's nothing they can do. They upped the ante and started harassing me at my house and eventually my workplace until I threatened them with legal action. They've sent letters ranging from wanting to reconcile to blaming me for stealing their child to begging for money and back to angry rants. Not sure what happened to the somewhat neglectful parents who left me to my own devices but I never thought I'd miss "them" as opposed to the parents who won't leave us alone. I've gone no contact for the foreseeable future as has my brother.
Speaking of, my brother is doing great! He's got a part time job right now and he's doing school part time at a local community college to get some gen eds out of the way. I'm about 6 months out from earning my bachelor's degree in business administration. I'm debating a masters but I'm just trying to get this done as fast as possible so I can send my brother to art school!
I also entered the dating scene and have been going steady with my boyfriend for the past 9 months! Definitely looking like marriage material and we've already discussed and agreed upon a prenup so no worries there!
Aside from my annoying parents, things are looking great for us! Unless my parents do something drastic I doubt I'll update again. Thanks everyone for reading.
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