"I intimidate the bird"

5 PCs level 3

Playing """good guy""" campaign

PCs just saved some kids from a hole in the forest

tfw Forrest actually not magical, who would have thunk

b me New dm

no idea what im doing

watching cute Colville, wanna make the ranger special

use new traveling check rules

mfw 3000 rules, 3001 rules for the dm to learn

PCs find way back to village no problemo

---

Retarded PCs starts his retarded day

Dude is a golden dragonborn bard with a flute

Has never performed once since start of campaign, nor used his breath weapon

"I go back to get the rope we climbed down the hole with"

Couldyourepeatthat?

lizard is serious

Party goes to town splits and talks to 3 NPCs all on their own super fun time

This retard needs a rope though

Motherfucker you a bard what do you need rope for

party groans, let him go his stupid ways

gets lost alone in the forest immediately cause no ranger

tfw

Makes ranger feel extra special so at least that

---

"I climb a tree to find the way"

bard, being bard fails his climb check

Wann be nice, dragonborn is so fat first branch just snaps off

Nofalldamage.whowouldhavethought

PCs miles away feel a disturbance in the force

groan

"I cast speak with animals"

Fuckung perfect

"I wanna talk to the animals of the forest"

Finnaly bard thinks with utility

Gonnaa shower him with inspiration

Just Got some cute tokens printed

"What animals answer my call?"

gold lizard with flute me thinks

Is gonna get out that forest as king of animals

Gonna make this bitch snow fucking white

Without the rapekissing of course, cause good dm

---

me "you hear a bird"

Here we go

Bird has responsibilities

Not just gonna guide you to village

You have to exchange some sick tunes

Shit how do birds do

Pickledee.voicefile

"Hello, Friend, Hello, Friend, Who are you, who are you?"

Thanksmyasazki

PC: "I intimidate the bird"

Bitch

what

"Guide me the way to the village, or else"

Its a fucking bird ya prick

Not some bdsm goblin

Rolls high enough that bird complies out of fear

Fucking lizard ass dude scaring poor bird

cockatrice looking ass motherufcker

bird being bird flys off to village

"Bad bird, bad bird, evil, evil"

Makes check to be able to run after bird while looking through cannopy

Looses bird cause fuck you, you rolled lower than 5

---

me thinks: Monkeys listen to bird calls for warnings

Sure as fuck squirrels do as well

Enjoy those ten minutes of speak with animals go in silence

Spends rest of game day lost in forrest

Party has to rescue him

-1 relationship with animals of the forest

Birds gonna gossip all around the forest

Cause fuck you