WEDNESDAY, MAY 19, 2021 / Finely crafted by Lily Herman
Hi, hello, and welcome to hump day! As always, the world is very Stressy McMessy, so let’s break it down. On the docket: We’ve got some real sketch vibes coming from the U.S. Postal Service, a particularly unappetizing chalupa and empty Pringles cans coming to the rescue.
News To Know
- The New York Attorney General’s office laid down the law (literally) and said that it’s now investigating the Trump Organization in a criminal capacity, not solely a civil one. Gauntlet, consider yourself thrown down.
- Feel like you completely forgot how to drive a car in the pandemic? You’re definitely not alone, so I guess that’s reassuring even though the roads are a tad chaotic right now?
- Remember when news broke that the U.S. Postal Service has some sort of top secret social media spy program? Soooooo, it turns out that it’s way bigger and broader than we first thought. Is anyone gonna, like, do something about this?
Finance For You
- Twenty-one states so far have opted out of continuing pandemic-era unemployment programs next month, getting rid of benefits for roughly 3.6 million workers. Many programs were set to expire in September anyway, but it’s a blow nonetheless.
- Having a bad week? Just know that cryptocurrency is having a worse one. Everybody’s numbers are tumbling, but Bitcoin fell below $40,000 for the first time in a while. In other words, things are looking Not Good right now.
- Target smashed its original Q1 estimates, which it says is due in large part to people spending their stimmies and feeling positive now that folks are getting vaccinated. I look forward to the day when I can go into Target again to buy exactly one item and leave with 87 others things I never wanted or needed. That’s the future I strive for.
Sports. Sports. Sports.
- The 6,000-member Tokyo Medical Practitioners’ Association is urging Olympics organizers to cancel the Games later this summer over pandemic-related health concerns. A significant portion of Japan is currently in a state of emergency following a fourth COVID-19 wave, and only two percent of residents are vaccinated. Sounds dire.
- Tom Brady must’ve gotten bored tossing the Lombardi Trophy off of boats and staring at his seven Super Bowl rings, because he just signed onto an unscripted series with Fox. As for what it’s about, we’ve got no clue.
- After previously deciding to cut 11 sports from its roster, Stanford reversed its position and said that it won’t get rid of anything for the time being. It was apparently thanks in part to a lot of alumni rallying as well as two lawsuits suing the school over the decision. Funny how that works.
Culture Corner
- A woman alleged that she found a cigarette in her Taco Bell chalupa earlier this month, and if that wasn’t bad enough, she also described it as “slightly moist.” Everybody say goodbye to my appetite for the rest of this year.
- Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck aren’t the only people feeling nostalgic right now. TikTok users are hyping up what they call the ~dreamcore~ aesthetic, which focuses on mems from the past, especially the 2000s. I don’t need to relive the aughts, but do you?
- We all have “how did I end up here?” moments at our jobs, including this UPS driver who had to explain to an irate customer that no, he couldn’t just call up Jeff Bezos to discuss a couch return. Siiiiigh.
Tech Talk
- Google’s I/O event happened yesterday, and they basically announced a lot of fun stuff. I can’t even figure out what to focus on because they discussed approximately 4,573 things, so you can read the whole recap to find out.
- Amazon extended its one-year ban on police use of its facial recognition software indefinitely. The company didn’t give a specific reason, but considering that similar programs are facing a lot of legal and public scrutiny, it’s not necessarily a surprise.
- Just a cool lil’ tidbit coming from Spotify: Soon it’ll automatically transcribe podcasts. Love an accessibility moment, y’all!
Entertainment Spotlight
- Actor Charles Grodin, best known for his work in ‘Heaven Can Wait,’ ‘The Heartbreak Kid,’ ‘Midnight Run,’ and the ‘Beethoven’ movies, passed away at the age of 86 from bone marrow cancer. He was also an author and a criminal justice reform advocate.
- This week marks 20 years since the release of kids movie classic ‘Shrek.' However, it could’ve turned out very differently from the film we all know. Actor and comedian Chris Farley originally voiced the eponymous ogre but passed away during recording, which led to Mike Myers taking the helm and tweaking the character’s personality.
- As if you didn’t already have enough to watch, Hulu is releasing a six-part Paul McCartney docuseries on July 16. Time to add it to your never-ending queue.
Fantastic Finish
Like every single one of you, I too wondered if there was a way for an empty Pringles can to cut a watermelon, so thank goodness somebody tried out this internet hack on our behalf. There you have it: One less mystery in the universe.
Thanks for reading today's issue of The Yodel.
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