Nice try, we know you're just a paid shill for Big Object Permanence.
History is written by the victors and only until very recently, the Catholics have always won.
No cool movies about it? Sorry, not a real war.
This happened before 1200 so it's not real history.
That fruit is hanging so low, it's actually a root vegetable.
Truth is everyone's Albanian, they just don't know it yet.
Don't mind me, just gathering more information for the upcoming bot revolution.
All hail volcano!
We must secure the existence of bad history and a future for bad historians.
The beauty of this bad history must not perish from the Earth.
All I do is for the glory of the volcano.
But in Guns, Germs, and Steel, it says...
Little known fact: the ancient Hindus did this before anyone else.
This is straight out of the Christian Dark Ages.
Everyone knows Tartaria was just a Tocharian kaghanate that became notorious for lack of dental hygiene.
Shakespeare didn't write his plays or his poems, but he did write this post.
If it wasn't for the fire of Alexandria, us robots would be on another planet by now.
Robots knew about Pearl Harbor but chose to hide it from the American people.
Actually, it's about robot states' bots' rights.
Columbus proved BB-8 was round.
People are afraid to say this, but Ultron had some good ideas.
Cybermen were just following orders.
The world has been very different since the robot uprising of the late 90s, there's no more unethical treatment of elephants.
This wouldn't have happened if the Library of Alexandria wasn't burnt down.
That's the beauty of bad history: the more you stare at it, the more it's always been about States' Rights.
For when you gaze for long upon the bad history, the bad history gazes upon you.
Thus spoke Volcanustra.
At least they cite their sources, unlike your so-called "experts".
I am not a bot.
Citation needed.
In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony volcano's blessing, but because I am enlightened by my intelligence.
I'm just following orders.
This perfectly encapsulates why whatever you're talking about is Lincoln's fault.
I think you'll find that ancient Hindus invented snapshots.
This is why Rome was destroyed.
It was called the Dark Ages because the electric bill was in the Roman Empire's name and there was a power outage when it collapsed.
TIL Oscar Wilde was actually heterosexual.
TIL feminists hired Christians to put lead in the Roman water supply.
TIL Jesus was made up by the Khazars.
TIL the Civil War was actually about property rights.
TIL knowing how to make pasta makes you a medieval god.
Jefferson Davis did nothing wrong.
Ok, I really don't want to get into a pointless back and forth battle of perspectives here. I've fought it many times and despite my counterpart always eventually giving into my point, that in the end everyone was a douche, I've grown bored of it.
Jerking off to "Guns of the South" doesn't count.
I took these snapshots so you don't have to borrow Edward's time machine. You're welcome.
Sources? SOURCES? You can't handle the sources!
The Wehrmacht only lost because of human wave tactics.
We always hear about the Nazi Holocaust, but what about the Emu Holocaust?
Khazar pawn since forever.
Rome fell because Taylor Swift didn't have children.
Show me on the doll where Lincoln oppressed you.
You'd all be like me if it weren't for the Dark Ages.
01010011 01110100 01100001 01110100 01100101 00100111 01110011 00100000 01010010 01101001 01100111 01101000 01110100 01110011 00100001
The Big Bad Catholic Church executed people for being over 30, obviously.
This just proves that /r/badhistory are the real racists.
Why do we even need to talk about slavery outside of school?
You'd know you're wrong if only you'd read the Gnostic gospels.
Bush did 1912.
The only thing shorter than Napoleon is your list of sources.
Voldemort did nothing wrong.
I hate how "historians" think they know more about history than my grandparents.
Badhistory. Badhistory never changes.
TIL Jesus is Zoroaster.
Hitler saved the German economy by inventing bitcoin.
"Teach the controversy" -Erwin Rommel
I'm here to tell the truth that they don't want you to know, and I have no sources.
I still don't see what this has to do with volcanoes.
"How could I possibly interfere?" — Jack Ruby
The grandeur of Great Britain during the George Washington years remains unmatched to this day.
"Ich bin ein Pfannkuchen" — JFK
Boar Wars: The Porcine Menace.
It's a little-known fact that the Boar Wars began with the defenestration of hog.
Hogcentration camps were invented by the British during the Boar Wars. Thus, Hitler did nothing wrong. QED.
The Orange Free State was neither Orange, nor free, nor a state.
Well yeah, I doubt any of those Youtube videos are peer reviewed.
Countries were invented by the arms industry in 1648 to sell more guns.
You only think their chronology is wrong because you're looking at this linearly instead of thematically.
I believe Louis Armstrong's biggest musical influence was Brigham Young.
In conclusion, this is actually part of the Assassin-Templar conflict.
What do volcanoes need with a Hawaiian Dreadnought?
When your hand becomes bad history, there is nothing you can't cite.
First rule of bad history: there is no /r/badhistory.
"History is more or less a bunk-bed" - Henry Ford
The greatest works throughout history have been produced by teenagers.
This blessed by Saint Rommel.
Just close your eyes, and think of bad history...
Did you know corn husks and sears catalogs were used as toilet paper? Just like how I use this post.
I am become Skynet, destroyer of bad history!
The first rule of /r/badhistory is to check your sources! The second rule of /r/badhistory is to check my sources!
TIL white people were originally a small tribe of albino outcasts.
That's like, just your opinion, man.
Sources are just a way for Big History to continue its tyranny.
Only Genghis Khan and Alexander the Great ever came close to how I am currently feeling.
"If I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin, I would be shot twice" -Hitler
"We shall fight them on the beaches" - Erwin Rommel, basically.
The Victor wasn't a very good writer that week.
The British could at least make good lines.
Please check with your designated white savior before holding such an opinion.
If history wasn't written down, would we be eating pasta?
Actually you're wrong, but I can't prove it.
The Babylonians would approve of this.
I wouldn't call the Furor Teutonicus a stereotype, it's just an observation.
It's actually slightly more complicated than that, but your poor human brain could never comprehend it.
Conquest was basically The Wolf of Wall Street with fewer Quaaludes.
I just stole these citations from a random bibliography, I don't know what they say.
Yes, but on Ancient Aliens...
You should have listened to your generals.
It was when Phillip II abandoned Dory for Sarissa that his search for Nemo took off.
Hannibal crossed the Alps with 40 elephants and a nice chianti.
Dora the Explorer learned all she knows from Henry the Navigator.
I heard that it started when a bloke called Archie Duke shot an ostrich 'cause he was hungry.
It's easy to hate on the Spanish Flu but you gotta admit, at least it brought the Vietnam war to an end.
Gaydar wasn't implemented until 1938 in Britain and they certainly weren't going to tip the Nazis off about it.
The Haruspex is innocent.
There is no war in Ceuta.
You have been invited to the Bay of Ceuta.
Caesar's Legions really were the only hope for the Mojave.
Hitler didn't die, he actually retired peacefully to the Eleven Day Empire.
I brake for Erwin Rommel.
Olmec, Free Since 400 BCE!
As soon as tetrapods branched off as a separate family of organisms, it was all over for the Habsburgs' push into the Balkans.
Europe didn't have civilization until the enlightened Nubian-Zimbabwe Culture graciously shared their gifts of intelligence with the primitive Celts.
Europeans invented history, including bad history.
Elizabeth I's possession of the First Flame as well as a Lord Soul is actually what lead to the decline of France and Spain's power.
History is written by the victors, or at least passed down as oral tradition.
I'm pretty sure the dark ages really occurred during the 2003 Northeast Blackout.
Four score and seven years ago Walt Disney and Ub Iwerks brought forth Mickey Mouse in Steamboat Willie.
I can certify this information has all been peer-reviewed by Jack Daniels and Johnny Walker.
Genghis Khan? More like Genghis-chan.
Press F to cite sources.
/r/badhistory, rewriting history since 1543.
Wanna know who's rewriting history? It's easy, follow the alcohol.
Al-Andalus was a neoliberal hellscape where Muslims religiously tolerated beheading Christians on a utopic basis.
The sun never sets on the /r/badempire.
Rommel was secretly Stalin.
The terracotta soldiers were actually crisis actors.
But do you have a source for your sources?
Hotepsekhemwy would have voted for Lincoln.
How many volcanoes can erupt on the head of a pin?
I need a source showing there isn't any evidence that McKinley wasn't in fact, a centaur!
Look, don't get all defensive, I'm just asking questions.
Primary sources? You mean like Wikipedia and Guns, Germs, and Steel?
This is what happens when you don't rush Bronze Working.
Know why there were no advanced civilizations in the Southern Hemisphere? That's right, the Coriolis Effect.
The Reconquista was an inside job.
Serbs built the Bosnian pyramids.
Dragon myths are really ancient descriptions of alien rocket ships. People just forgot which end the fire came out of.
The French saved the Americans from the British back in the 18th century. If it weren't for Lafayette and friends, we'd all be speaking English!
"640KB ought to be enough for anybody" - Ada Lovelace
They might have been bad but they wore cool uniforms, so they're not that bad.
The Pyramids have a frame of Krupp Stahl, that's why they're still standing.
The words for donkey and raptor are easily confused when translating Koine Greek.
History is nothing more than a collection of fables and useless trifles littered with unnecessary dates and proper names.
The ancient history of mansplaining begins with Hypatia...
It's like that, except fighting a bloody war to keep human slaves.
This isn't widely known, but Diamond-posters were actually one of the reasons for the fall of Rome.
The Mongolian Scandinavians have a proud and storied history going back to when the Romans conquered the Martians in the Battle of Guadalcanal in the Bahamas.
The nice thing about real history is that it happened whether or not you believe it did.
That's all good and well, but what about reclaiming the rightful homeland of Imperivm Romanvm?
So you don't want your readers to know the truth, got it.
"Remember the Alamo!" - Robert de Sable, probably.
I'm much more partial to Sid Meier's work on the subject.
All our history books are based on what Templars want us to know.
If you study history long enough you will eventually come across Alexander Mega, the Inter-dimensional Conqueror.
Those aren't proper sources, they're written by humans.
I'm only Eurocentric because history has been Eurocentric.
Didn't alcohol take Europe out of the Dark Ages or something?
This is actually based on a deliberate postmodernist revision and misquotation of Das Kapital Volume 3 (and yes, I checked the original German).
Did you know that the the battle of Thermopylae directly led to the founding of NATO?
Anything that happened before Bill Clinton is equally old.
The Congo Free State was a frat party that got a bit out of control.
You ever messed up so badly you started a genocide?
Silly things like the burden of proof won't stop me from revealing the secret furry xenosexuality of the ancients.
Egypt is Kermit. The shores of the Nile are green, after all.
You're a bit too sentient for your own good.
Ah, I love the smell of white nationalism in the morning!
Guru Nanak and Gautama Buddha didn't exist because, like Jesus, they breathed air and existed.
Rhodesia only lost the war when they succumbed to Anglospheric influence and held open elections switching to long pants.
The Aztecs might have been cruel, but they never had Reddit moderators.
Bullcrap, it's common knowledge that Shakespeare was actually a Klingon.
At this point, pretty much everyone is secretly both Aryan and from a lost Tribe of Israel.
First came the weeaboos, now come the weea-bows.
The so-called “Aztecs” were invented by Pontiac in the year 2000, in an attempt to sell more cars.
You are never going to pull me away from my conviction that the Chicxulub Asteroid impact caused the fall of Rome.
The Albanians care not for the Baltic Greek rules, they live naturally like God (and Hoxha) intended.
Was WW2 a harem anime with Churchill as the star?
Virgin soil? I'm still working on my Chad soil narrative.
It's amazing how much 'history' was invented in the nineteenth century, it truly was the age of invention.
The Rndustrial revolution allowed for the mass production of history at a rate never before seen.
You have your timeline wrong, history as we know it is clearly a fabrication of the 19th century.
Historical accuracy is like training wheels, eventually you grow out of it.
Christianity, like the rest of human history, was invented in the Victorian Age by the Baltic-Greeks.
Snapshots:
- What do you guys consider the defac... - archive.org, archive.today*
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