TUESDAY, JUNE 8, 2021 / Finely crafted by Lily Herman
Howdy! It’s a million degrees and I somehow got four mosquito bites indoors while writing this newsletter, so it’s officially summer. Today’s agenda: We’ve got a very inconvenient drought, a bridesmaid who needs to take a chill pill and a way to figure out something called a Juno sign (I’m sure you're dying to know!!!).
News To Know
- Will we ever see a true end to COVID-19 in the U.S.? Experts currently say that looks unlikel. Instead, it could be a seasonal occurrence that we just accept, like the flu. But that’s … not fun.
- Thanks to climate change, 72 percent of the American West is experiencing what’s classified as a “severe” drought right now, and California’s particularly susceptible to wildfires. As if we needed something else to worry about.
- Tensions are brewing in Memphis, Tennessee. Juneteenth event organizers decided they’ll host this year’s celebrations at a park where the remains of Nathan Bedford Forrest, the first Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, are buried. His body is in the process of being moved to a new site, but it may not happen before June 19.
Finance For You
- Who needs ‘Real Housewives’ when you can have … the FDA? The agency approved the first new Alzheimer’s drug in 20 years, but there’s a problem: Experts have long been skeptical of the medication and say it doesn’t slow the disease. So that’s stressful.
- Jeff Bezos is celebrating the end of his time as Amazon CEO next month by taking a casual sightseeing trip to space two weeks after he vacates the position. On a related note, did anyone else completely forget that Jeff owns a rocket company?!?!
- One index seeing a sweet, sweet bump courtesy of the meme stock mania: The small-cap Russell 2000. Glad it's working out for some folks.
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Sports. Sports. Sports.
- Nick Saban’s here for a good time *and* a long time. The Alabama head football coach signed a contract extension to lead the program through the 2028-29 season. Seeing as he’ll be 77 years old then, it’s safe to say he’ll give it a rest and retire after that.
- More news out of the unpredictable French Open: 17-year-old Coco Gauff is now the youngest American to ever reach a Grand Slam quarterfinal. The previous record was held by Venus Williams and stood since 1997. Get ‘em, Coco!
- All's been quiet on the Aaron Rodgers front for a little bit, but here’s what could likely happen with his contract given all of the hullabaloo.
Pride Month
- After a neighborhood association told two Wisconsin homeowners that their Pride flag violated its rules, they did what any smart people would do: They found a good old-fashioned loophole.
- Speaking of the Pride flag, military bases are barred from flying it due to a policy change under the Trump administration that categorized it as an “unofficial” flag. Some folks are calling for Joe Biden to reverse the guidance.
- A Texas bakery lost social media followers and business after posting a photo of some Pride-themed cookies. Not to worry though: The community came to the rescue and bought up all of its inventory shortly thereafter. Love to see it!
Culture Corner
- I can barely keep track of my zodiac sign, but now The Youths expect me to know what the heck a Juno sign is??? I didn’t realize that stars and sun and stuff could cause so much agita???
- Today in “people who need three deep breaths and a glass of wine”: A bridesmaid is threatening to take a bride to civil court over a $140 dress. Siiigh.
- Brb, making the case to my bank account of why we *need* to buy this 16-foot inflatable outdoor movie screen. I’ll never know true happiness without it!!!!
Tech Talk
- Apple’s big Worldwide Developer Conference kicked off yesterday, and the company announced a loooooot of updates. Bless the TechCrunch team for keeping track of all of them.
- Remember that Colonial Pipeline cyberattack from last month? The Department of Justice was able to recover 63.7 Bitcoins (roughly $2.3 million) of the ransom money the hackers demanded. It was all because of the cryptocurrency's public ledger, so that's cool!
- The Summer of Scam is afoot: A new report alleged that two percent of the App Store’s top 1,000 titles were fake — and they swindled users out of $48 million. Wheeeeew.
Entertainment Spotlight
- An update on one of the most random recent celebrity scandals: Ellie Kemper issued a public apology for her participation in the problematic Veiled Prophet Ball nearly 22 years ago. “I promise that moving forward I will listen, continue to educate myself and use my privilege in support of the better society I think we are capable of becoming,” she wrote.
- A whopping 55 million households tuned in to Netflix’s ‘Shadow and Bone’ adaptation during its first 28 days, and there’s good news for fans: The streaming giant renewed the series for a second season. Looking forward to all of the future Ben Barnes thirst traps.
- A contestant on ‘Naked and Afraid’ had to get stitches on his, uh, privates after falling off of a tree branch and into a swamp. I’d much rather stay Clothed and Mildly Anxious for the time being, thank you very much.
Fantastic Finish
Folks, we’ve seen some real Petty Crockers, but this woman’s tactic for seeking subtle ongoing revenge on her ex is next level. I'm in awe. I worship this Patron Saint of Petty.
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