WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 25, 2021 / Finely crafted by Lily Herman
Howdy! Did anybody else wake up thinking it was Friday? Nope, just me? Anyway, on this fine hump day, we’re talking all about terrifying tortoises, the college sports star running for Senate and a whole lot of Ye.
News To Know
- Kathy Hochul was officially sworn in as the Governor of New York this week. Her first agenda item: She announced mask mandates for schools as well as vaccine and testing requirements for educators.
- A tiny 1,200-person Texas town had to shut down entirely after 42 percent of residents tested positive for the coronavirus. This headline feels like something that would happen on a young Mayor Ben Wyatt's watch.
- So much for tortoises being gentle giants. Scientists caught one on camera eating baby birds, and now the ecology world is, as the youths say, shooketh to its core.
Finance For You
- After much controversy, Peloton relaunched its treadmill with a number of new safety features. It costs almost $2,500 though, which is some serious dough that I certainly don't possess.
- It’s been a while since we talked about Bitcoin, and that’s because it continues to be A Mess. But according to crypto enthusiasts, we're supposed to believe it isn't a fad? It's all very confusing.
- A new survey showed that 55 percent of Americans will look for a new job in the next 12 months. It turns out ping-pong tables and cold brew on tap aren’t enough to keep employees hype. People want weird stuff, like higher pay and good health insurance.
Sports. Sports. Sports.
- College football star Herschel Walker is officially running for the U.S. Senate in Georgia against Raphael Warnock. He’s currently living in Texas though, so he’ll have to re-establish residency in his home state ASAP.
- The NFL’s not playing around with COVID-19, and their plan includes banning reporters from team locker rooms. A few folks are salty, but officials say it’s a necessary precaution to protect their $16 billion baby.
- A former volleyball coach at Valor Christian High School in Denver says he was pressured to resign from his job because he’s gay. School officials have a different version of events, but they did confirm there was a difference in “values.” Womp.
Culture Corner
- If you like putting your toothpaste or mouthwash in clear containers so that it’s got a whole ~aesthetic~, one dentist makes a preeeeetty compelling case for why you should stop doing that.
- You know that whole Hot Girl Summer we were all supposed to have? Well, it sits on a throne of *lies*!
- The pandemic has made us really appreciate the little things in life, like this $25 ghost rug that went viral and is already sold out everywhere ... in August.
Tech Talk
- Every social media platform caught the e-commerce bug at the same time. Instagram launched ads in its Shop tab this week, while TikTok announced a pilot with Shopify called TikTok Shopping. Brb, gotta have a chat with my credit card.
- Spotify also joined the announcement fray by saying that its podcast subscription feature is now open to all creators. Everybody's makin' money moves.
- My entire brand for the past two days has basically become reading reviews of this new ‘Twelve Minutes’ video game, which sounds equal parts thrilling and horrifyingly terrible.
Entertainment Spotlight
- Legendary Rolling Stones drummer Charlie Watts passed away at the age of 80. He's considered one of the greatest drummers of all time, and his family man presence was refreshing in the topsy-turvy world of rock ‘n’ roll.
- A certain Mr. Kanye Omari West must think six syllables is far too many for a full name, because he filed legal documents to officially change it to just “Ye.” I would expect nothing less.
- Remember Nirvana’s iconic ‘Nevermind’ cover that had a naked baby swimming towards a dollar bill? That kid’s now an adult, and he’s suing the band under the claim that the photo is child pornography. The whole sitch took … a turn.
Fantastic Finish
Ah, there’s nothing like renovating a house and discovering that you’re actually sitting on top of a manhole for a sewage line. Home sweet home, am I right?
Thanks for reading today's issue of The Yodel.
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