FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2021 / Finely crafted by Lily Herman
Ahhhh! Friday! We made it! I’m fully expecting to blob this weekend, but we need to dive into a few things first. Today is all about a COVID-19 vaccine card scam, a Paralympic controversy and a spotlight on cantaloupes.
A programming note: I won't Yodel on Monday in observance of Labor Day. Gotta keep the irony of this strange American holiday alive.
News To Know
- Northeastern residents were ready for Henri, but Hurricane Ida battered a largely unprepared East Coast. At least 46 people are dead in the region following massive flooding, and officials are still assessing the damage.
- An oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico now has a miles-long oil slick spouting from it, and nobody’s been able to reach the area due to conditions from Ida. Great! Just great!
- The Manhattan District Attorney filed charges against a woman who allegedly sold fake COVID-19 vaccine cards for $200 apiece. One thing's for sure: It's lookin' mighty bad for Jasmine.
Finance For You
- Which three shows did a bank analysis say Netflix needs to focus on as the streaming wars heat up? One of the programs is, in fact, the smash-hit with the now-iconic line, "I burn for you."
- Burger King is banking on a ~touchless~ world in the future, and that includes rolling out a brand new customer loyalty app. What I want to know though is, at BK can you still have it your way?
- Which college majors have the highest starting salaries for recent grads? Love this confirmation that my degrees from many moons ago were useless!!!!
Sports. Sports. Sports.
- Well, this is terrible: Malaysia's Muhammad Ziyad Zolkefli thought he’d won gold in the shot put’s F20 classification at the Paralympics, until officials later disqualified him for arriving three minutes late to the event.
- The Buccaneers join the Falcons as the second NFL team to have 100 percent of its players vaccinated. Yep, even Tom. I guess the jab is alkaline.
- Yahoo fantasy sports writer Dalton Del Don really stirred the pot with his list of overvalued players in the fantasy draft. What kind of tea are you drinking there, Dalton?
Culture Corner
- Americans are confused at why Australians refer to cantaloupes as “rockmelons.” OK, we may not see eye to eye on the name, but we can all agree that they're meant to be eaten around in fruit salads, right?
- I read this story about a pup born with upside-down paws learning how to walk, and the most eloquent reaction I can give you is laksdjflaksdjflaksdjflaksdjflaksf.
- My fellow wedding drama-loving friends, this one’s a doozy: A groom looked unsurprised when his father’s girlfriend *walked in front of him* as he made his way down the aisle. What do we think? Big deal or chill out?
Tech Talk
- Twitter will soon let users tip others using Bitcoin, which shouldn’t come as a shocker since co-founder Jack Dorsey is hardcore obsessed with the stuff.
- Bad news for Richard Branson, the quirky Zooey Deschanel of all billionaires: The Federal Aviation Administration has grounded Virgin Galactic. The agency’s still investigating an incident stemming from the company’s inaugural July flight.
- After initially refusing to put a lid on coronavirus misinformation, Reddit banned a big COVID-19 denial subreddit and restricted 54 others. The problem: It was for technical reasons and not due to content.
Entertainment Spotlight
- Here we go again! ABBA is releasing its first album in 40 years and taking up a virtual concert residency. Gimme, gimme, gimme every single piece of ABBA merch available on the internet ASAP.
- It really is 2005 again, and I’m not just talking about fashion trends. Kate Walsh is returning to ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ to play fan-favorite Addison Montgomery. Her original Seattle Grace entrance was *chef's kiss*.
- I thought we’d reached peak singing competition show with the premiere of ‘The Masked Singer,’ but this new avatar singing program is it. We may need to do … a lot less.
Fantastic Finish
I’ve been playing this clip on a loop and saying “awwww” over and over again after running guide Manuel Antonio Vaz da Vega proposed to his partner, Cape Verde sprinter Keula Nidreia Pereira Semedo, after their heat at the Paralympics. The romance novel vibes are killing me slowly!!!!
Thanks for reading today's issue of The Yodel.
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